MY kind of unimpressive (GERS … 2 Jags … 0)

Oh, yes it is. What credit would we get for destroying Partick Thistle by six or seven goals? It would be just another damning example of the disparity between the haves and have-nots of Scottish football if The Gers had turned on a scintillating display of power-house soccer agaisnt our West Glasgow derby rivals.

Granted, at a time when The Club is asking us for a few hundred notes for next season’s smart cards to be activated, Bluenoses could complain about their right to value-for-money at every game on the season ticket. But football’s a rather unique brand. The Citizen’s Advice Bureau doesn’t receive many complaints from fitbaw punters, as short-changed as most of us are. In fact the speed and ferocity with which half of Ibrox erupts into howls of dissatisfaction with a misplaced Michael Mols shot or a poor Lovenkrands cross would indicate that 50% of Bluenoses are actualy paying for the right to be publicly outraged. For the most vociferous and insidious Rangers critics, those who wear Red, White and Blue and call themselves Ibrox Regulars, this apparently unimpressive win over Partick Thistle was worth another four hundred and forty five quid in itself.

But could someone please define “impressive” for me, in this particular respect. In relation to winning a world record 50th League Championship title, just what is the “impressive” thing to do in a run-of-the-mill match? Obviously it is to ensure the result at the end of the game is just as run-of-the-mill. We didn’t score til twenty minutes from the end, the longest we’ve had to wait for a Rangers goal at Ibrox all season, but by fifteen minutes from the end we were 2-0 up and the three points were in the bag against a side doggedly fighting relegation. Same thing happened against Motherwell in our last home game and no-one cocked an eye-lid. Job done.

The impressive factor in a league-title-winning campaign is pacing yourself. Rangers need to keep enough in reserve for the day they really need it. We all suspect that will be the day of the final Old Firm fixture of 2002/2003. In the last days of Advocaat’s managerial reign, we saw Rangers destroy teams in nothing matches while barely turning up at Old Firm encounters - that’s timing your energy levels all wrong. To impress me, Rangers have only to do what’s required to win - because sooner or later that will be a major feat in itself.

And when Stephen Hughes, Bert Konterman and a listless Mikel Arteta makes up your midfield, any kind of win will do against Partick Thistle. Young Stephen’s simply out of match practice, Bert’s out on a limb every time he touches the ball and Mikel has been out of sorts for the last few months really. Nando had to drop back to right-back because of the injuries to Bonnissel and Numan and Mozza Ross was forced to play left-back - a position he clearly loathes judging by this display.

In fact, Rangers were so befuddled by suspensions and injuries today we had the Stars-In-Their-Eyes moment in the fiftieth minute when, following a stomach-curdling pass-back which put Thistle’s Alex Burns clean through on our goal, Maurice Ross was taken off and Neil McCann emerged from the dry-ice haze of the technical area saying “tonight, Matthew I’m going to be a LEFT BACK”. Of course, wee Neily spent most of his forty minutes in the Thistle half, setting up Rangers attacks but he was definitely asked to fill in the left-back slot. Don’t THINK he’ll get the nod for that position when we play sellik!

Stefan Klos, for his part, was mostly imersonating Andy Goram. This is a character-role Stef’s been building up to for most of his Ibrox career and this season has seen him almost out-Goram Goram. It’s now got to the stage where I see Stef in comparison to GOD Goram, in much the same way the film-going public saw a young De Niro in comparison to Marlon Brando in Godfather II. By the end of Boby D’s tour de force in the greatest sequel movie of all time, critics knew the promise of Mean Streets and Taxi Driver had ben fully realised. They knew it because, in “II”, De Niro didn’t play a young Marlon Brando, he played a young Vito Corleone - as well as Brando’s played an old Vito Corleone in GF “I”.

Well, when Klos came out to ruin Mozza Ross’ gift to Alex Burns, simply by sheer presence, the Bears realised once more that Stefan, like Goram before him, is simply playing the part of a Great Rangers Goalkeeper. Even before that fiftieth minute brilliance, Gerry Britton was clean through on our goal in the first half, and no-one really panicked. As it turned out, Nando Ricksen, fresh from his EURO2004 exploits under Advocaat in Chisinau and Rotterdam, put in a world-class recovering tackle which Tom Forsyth would have been proud of. But, even if Rickers hadn’t been there to thwart Britton, you almost knew Stef would have saved the day anyway. He just does that now - he simply exudes an air of unbeatability. Chris Woods, Bobby Brown, Jerry Dawson … Klos, for me, is now a legend among legends.

Other top impersonation of the day was Bob Malcolm doing Craig Moore. Having spent the last few weeks quietly crapping myself about Amo’s suspension in this game, Bob put in easily his best display in a Gers-ey since snuffing out Chris Sutton last December. The sun shone brightly on the Ibrox lawn and the glaring daglo hell that is Partick Thistle’s red and yellow strip contributed to my occasional visual impairment but it was more than that which had me confusing Big Bob with Craig Moore during this match. Mr Malcolm’s agility and mobility seems to have increased ten-fold overnight. He was simply tremendous. There’s real long-term hope for our central defence but not, it would seem, for Dan Eggen’s chances of breaking into it.

Ronald de Boer simply IS a Star-in-our/their/anybody’s-eyes. There was no geting away from his genius during this game. The match sponsors made Mikey Mols the man-of-the-match - this is the worst decision since Rangers dropped Adidas as our kit manufacturer. Mols got the goals, yes. But he’s a striker and to get two goals from around half-a-dozen clear-cut chances is simply passable. Malcolm was brilliant, but only by his own standards. Craig Moore was solid as houses but that IS his standard. Stef was the other real contender for MoM but Ronnie de Boer was playing in front of a midfield which barely existed and behind a strike-force which could neither shoot nor cross - yet he was brilliant for the entire duration of the game.

Add to that the tenacity and skill of a Thistle defence which had been denied the services of star-man Scott Paterson after just eight minutes, and Ronnie’s conitinual easy possession and pin-point distribution of the ball was remarkable. Sans Bazza and Amo, The Farmer was the heartbeat of the team today.

Michael Mols hit the by-line in the first half and only had to look up to hit Peter Lovenkrands on the Thistle goal-line but couldn’t manage it. The Dutch striker then went clean through on Kenny Arthur in the second half but once again did that thing he does once in every game he starts this season - misses a sitter. But a man with his history of recuperation and such wealth of love in storage in the Ibrox stands, knows he can keep going.

Just as McLeish was looking to sub Mikey, Stephen Hughes responded to the continual, quarter-back promptings of de Boer to take the ball to the top of Thistle’s ball and clip in a near-post cross. Having mucked up a few times with his feet, Mols made no mistake with his reamarkably hirsute head - he darted across his marker and nodded home from close range. I’d told myself for the previous 69 minutes that this was one of those days where we’d struggle but get there dramatically late. The way in which I almost crushed the rib cage of my neighbour as the ball craked into the top corner of the rigging, hinted that 70 minutes was about as late as I liked my drama.

Five minutes on, granted a stay-of-execution by his goal, Mikey made it 2-0. The lovely little pass from The Farmer, evaded Mike’s tiring legs by an inch as he rumbled into the box but the Thistle defender who’d expected Mike to collect the ball duly hit it back into our striker’s path. Michael hit it, Arthur got a solid touch to it, but the momentum took it behind the Thistle goalie and gloriously slowly into the far-most corner of the net.

After that, David Rowson was allowed a shot on our goal from an unmissable range and unmissable angle. He didn’t miss. Stefan Klos saved it.

Impressive? Aye, ah’d say so.

GERS Klos, Ricksen, Moore, Malcolm, Ross (McCann 50), Arteta (Caniggia 61), Konterman, Hughes, De Boer, Mols, Lovenkrands (Arveladze 76).

UNUSED SUBBIES: McGregor, Eggen.

SCORER: Mols 70, 75.

CROWD: 49,472

REF: Kenny Clark