FatEck.co.uk

News and comment on Rangers FC.

1. Charles 12.20.03 / 9am

   Help ma bobe!
   Ah cannae find much fault wae whit ye wrote, and that frightens the bejeebers out of me…… ach well then ye came up wae number three and all’s right wae the world again……. yer paranoid friend.
2. Rusty 12.21.03 / 2pm

   Well done Charles, you’re trying! Hope it feels good to let go just a bit.

   Eck,

   Lots of sense, especially having just watched another unsatisfying performance. I know it’s not his fault that he’s thick, but how slow is Lovenkrands up top? And for once I didn’t get angry at Mols being useless. We can see what he’s thinking half the time, but it’s sad to see him just being too slow to do it.

   The need for overall strengthening of the team, not the squad, is very apparent. That it should come before the signing of very good footballers like Boumsong, with premiums in their weekly wages that come with such reputations, is eminently sensible.

   I agree with your thoughts on Gavin Rae. If he could really do all the things that numerous commentators seem to attribute to him, he’d have left Dundee years ago and would an automatic pick in a poor Scotland side. To me, he was one of the more obvious examples of the gulf in class when Holland gave us a doing. He never showed a deficit of effort, but perhaps he just can’t raise his game when surrounded by too many similarly technically-challenged footballers. Were he to join Rangers, would this theory be challenged at all? I fear he’d be another Ross, Hughes or Malcolm, players who can come into the side one-at-a-time, but just don’t have the talent (or maybe confidence/arrogance/balls?) to impose themselves as they should.

   Not sure about Novo though. He can finish, he has pace, so there’s nothing to suggest that he couldn’t continue to prosper in the SPL - wait a minute, I’ve just thought of some! Firstly, he would be a RANGERS centre-forward and therefore starved of decent service from areas high up the pitch. He’d invariably be up against a packed defence, and being a wee guy as is necessarily the case with Rangers players, would struggle against Michael Ball’s long aimless punts up the park. And he’ll probably be used in a 4-4-2, the same formation that is weakening us at the moment.

   I’m still going on about our lack of physical strength too Eck. We could really do with a few footballers who can also put in a nasty challenge and tackle with something behind it. We struggle to win 50/50 or loose balls. And our total inability to win a header - ANY header - is inexcusable. It’s gone on for ages, but the last two weeks have really shown it up. I refuse to listen to anyone who tells me Craig Brewster is anything more than a journeyman, and Kevin McKenna is a recycled centre-back. Yet these two had vast areas of the pitch to themselves when the ball was delivered over head height. Time to choose whether to flick it on or bring it down and find a teammate.

   So the apparent investment in Boumsong ( I share your reluctance to believe that he’s coming until he takes to the hallowed turf at Ibrox, especially given the past behaviour of he and his young Auxerre teammates) could seem to be profligate at a time of financial and footballing struggle. But I can’t help but hoping that this deal goes through and we do see a fine young footballer playing for us next season.

   We do need strengthening, but that should be with BETTER players. And Boumsong is better than any defender we currently have. He is a marker with Champions League experience, so is unlikely to get the sh$ts when tested at this level (or in the qualifying round!). He is obviously strong, getting towards brick-sh$thouse proportions, so would be a welcome addition on that score.

   Ultimately, it is just an exciting signing when faced with the prospects for the rest of the season to come.
3. Stuart 12.21.03 / 6pm

   Rusty - Like Eck, you’re talking a lot of sense, especially in regards to Novo. Yes, it’s tempting to want to see a big, strapping centre-forward in the mould of Hateley, Johnstone (even Hartson??)in the team (especailly when you see our forwards having 7 shades knocked out of them), but this is sometimes a simplistic answer. A team can prosper with small (but nippy) forwards, who can often deliver results when the bigger boys can’t. Look at Liverpool - who’s more dangerous, Owen or Heskey? The crucial point is that if you play with smaller forwards, you need a system & decent players who can shuttle the ball forward at pace to allow the strikers to cause damage. This just wouldn’t happen with the current playing staff or system at Ibrox, but perhaps with some re-jigging of the team, it could be possible. How about moving Arveladze to a position just in front of midfield, & signing someone who can actually WIN the occasional ball in midfield? The ball goes to Shota, who has the skill & vision necessary to provide decent service to the front men. Then play Novo & Lovinpants up front - if the ball is moved forward quickly, then even Lovinpants would be able to make this work - just stay 2 yards onside at all times, and when you see one of your teammates about to hit the ball, run like hell towards the goal. This way, he would be off & running when the ball is on its way through to him, be able to turn the opposition defence and find himself with a goalscoring opportunity.

   Providing we can get a couple of midfielders, & another couple of defenders (even if Boumsong signs), we might be on our way back (providing Ricksen leaves!). Talking of Boumsong, it would be an extremely high-risk strategy to announce his signing, only for it to fall through - remember Mo Johnston & Celtic - it took them years to recover from that. My pessimistic view is that he’ll hardly play at all once he does arrive & the butchers in the Ibrox medical dept get hold of him, as per Thern, Prodan, Rosenthal, Kuznetzov, MacLaren, Ball - even Amaruso didn’t play until 8 months after he signed due to injury.

   One final message for our friend Charles - after Thompson’s free kick today, I’ve analysed the ratio of free-kicks to matches played by Celtic over the last 67.78 years, and found that they get an average of 0.001267 EXTRA free kicks per match compared to the opposition (providing the opposition wear red on their socks & the wind is blowing in a north-westerly direction). If this isn’t evidence of a crypto-communist plot to de-stabalise football in the West by causing mass riots in Glasgow over the standard of referees, the fall of the UK government & the eventual disintegration of NATO allowing the Red Army to sweep like a torrent through the broken defences of the capitalist fat-cat West & the setup of Workers Councils & Politburo’s in every town from Wick to Warsaw, then I don’t know what is……….

   ……or is this about as likely as there being a plot in the corridors of the SFA to stop celtic from winning any trophies????
4. Charles 12.22.03 / 7am

   Thanks Stuart for keeping me in your thoughts.
   As far as conspiracies are concerned, I only answered your questions with facts, which I might say you were in disagreement with (your prerogative)
   I for one do not adhere to the referee conspiracy; I believe that John Underhill just had a horrendous game yesterday, which only happened to be to Celtic’s detriment. I also believe that the aforementioned whistler had a horrendous game two weeks ago at Ibrox when he awarded a penalty to Peter Lovellydiver for an infraction outside the box and denied a stonewaller to Billy Dodds. Result Rangers2 Dundee Utd.1. But conspiracy, no just bad luck.
5. Rusty 12.22.03 / 3pm

   Cheers for the thoughts Stuart.

   I totally agree with your points about the merits of a small, quick centre-forward, in a well organised team playing to their strengths. I know that the physical attributes of a striker are less important than their ability or the service they receive. I also agree that we don’t currently have the players to do this. And while I’d definitely prefer a big goalscorer through the middle, last season showed that it is possible to succeed without him.

   But last season, Eck invariably used a 4-3-3 with three guys in midfield and two players out wide-ish. I don’t know that McLeish has given up on this forever, or whether his current selection difficulties make him think he can’t use it, but it did work, if a bit tentatively sometimes, even with Michael Mols as the central striker. Admittedly, he had de Boer and Ferguson to call upon, but I am still convinced we’d be better off reverting back to this.

   You’re preaching to the converted when you talk about Lovenkrands through the middle. He is doing nothing when played out wide in the 4-4-2. But he has done well when playing higher up the field as the wide-left player of the front three. He doesn’t always have to beat two or three players on his way to goal which he can’t do anyway. Burke on the opposite side, Arveladze through the middle, and a tighter midfield three, less likely to be outnumbered and providing a better platform from which to go forward.

   But for the longest time, we have seen Rangers unable to create easy chances, trying to walk the ball in, etc. A different type of threat against teams with 10 players camped on the 18 yard line, or just the three hulks, is something I’m sure we’d benefit from. It would still require better service than we currently see, but at least defenders would have more than just endless 5-inch passes around the area to worry about.

   I’m not sure your analogy using Owen and Heskey is absolutely fair though Stuart. Owen is a world class player and Heskey isn’t. Yet even Owen has struggled for periods in such a terrible Liverpool team. I feel Heskey suffers from the Duncan Ferguson syndrome a bit, where teams automatically start launching long balls at him (Liverpool fans are praying that the new manager doesn’t like such agricultural tactics - nae luck!!!!). He is better than that though, and in my opinion he’d be better than anything we have at the moment.

   You’ll have to explain your wish to see Ricksen leave to me Stuart???
6. Stuart 12.22.03 / 4pm

   Charles - Sorry, couldn’t resist winding you up! Was “lovellydiver’s infraction outside the box” treated by the incompetent Ibrox medical staff, ‘cos it sounds painful & would also explain his recent poor form? Finally, could you come up with a similar name for Larsson - the best I can come up with is “cheatin, divin b**tard”, which isn’t very funny, even if it is accurate…..:)

   Good to hear from a Celtic fan who doesn’t believe in a refereeing conspiracy against his team - rare, but good! As OF fans, we know deep down that we BOTH get the benefit of more tan our fair share of 50-50 decisions in Scotland, but we don’t like to admit it to anyone.

   Rusty - to be honest, the “Owen/Heskey” combo was the best I could think of at 23.30 on a Sunday night. Obviously, they are poles apart in terms of ability, which tends to make Heskey look even worse than he is. Even when playing the long ball game, it still takes a striker of genuine talent to get in position, hold off a defender (or two), bring the ball down and then either manufacture a shot or bring a teammate into play. Hateley was a master of this and made it look deceptively easy, but when it goes wrong, it makes the player concerned look like…well, Emile Heskey.

   As for 4-3-3, I agree this did work well for Rangers last season, but his may have been partly because teams were struggling to find ways to cope when faced with this new, ground-breaking system (some of the managers in the Scottish game are a bit behind the times).. The combination of teams adapting their tactics to deal with the formation, together with the departure of Ferguson, Amoruso & McCann (I was certainly no fan of wee Neilly, but on the odd occasion when he decided to play well, he was a real threat), who made the system work in the first place, has led to our current predicament. Lovinpants is not a natrural wide man (does ANYONE out there actually think he is effective as a winger?), & with Crapucho on the other side the strikers have been starved of service for months. We’ve all seen Lovenkrands finishing (just about the best finisher at Ibrox at the moment, in my opinion), so why not give him the chance to shine?

   What frustrates me most about this team is that they often cannot even do the simple things right. Take some of their passing to Lovinpants, for example. We all know that his main asset is his pace, so it would therefore make sense to pass the ball to a point 2 or 3 yards in front of him, so that he doesn’t have to brek stride and can take on his marker in full flight? WRONG!! Rangers constantly pass the ball right into his feet, causing him to stop, collect, then accelerate, thereby losing the advantage over his opponent, or pass the ball behind him, forcing him to return the pass or pass back to our defenders. This is common to most of Rangers passing, but is shown most starkly whith Lovinpants. I REALLY hate to do this, but compare this with celtic when the ball goes to Larsson or Agathe (on the rare occasion they remember that it isn’t against the law to hike the ball 50 yards upfield), & you’ll see what I mean. Luckily, Agathe can’t cross the ball to save his life or he would be worth
7. Rusty 12.22.03 / 5pm

   Your sort of confirming my own thoughts about Lovenkrands and his limited qualities Stuart.

   I don’t really believe he is a natural footballer, but his pace is a genuine threat. I agree that seeing him playing through the middle would be an improvement, although I’ve heard it said before that he doesn’t like it. But then, having him play ANY position where he would be running onto the ball would be an improvement. I agree that he can be an excellent finisher, but even his crossing would improve if he didn’t have to stop and take 5 touches to control the ball first.

   For me, the only side who did change their formation successfully to counter the 4-3-3 last season was celtic, and even then it can be argued that our ineptitude was as much of a factor. Perhaps it was a stubborn refusal to accept that his tactics were not working that had o’neill refuse to change. I hope McLeish doesn’t copy him.

   To Ricksen. I think you’re being far too harsh on him. He was terrible during his first season, agreed, and his temperament is dodgy to say the least. I accept everything you say about any pretensions he may have to being our designated hard man, especially given his tendency to allow the opposition to get to him, or worse, manufacture grief by himself. I’m also wary about any player who allows himself to get anywhere near the front pages of the Record too.

   But “a complete liability”? He was excellent last season. He is probably our best midfielder (used in a midfield three) after Arteta, with energy and a bit of pace, qualities lacking in other contenders for that position. He’s never injured! And if he didn’t play at right-back, that would mean Ross was playing - I’d consider that more of a risk and liability than Ricksen.

   So just a few redeeming features then. I’m sure we’d be worse still without him.
8. Del 12.23.03 / 12am

   Like Rusty, I agree that Stuart is being a wee bit too harsh on Ricksen. Ricksen was a bit of a revelation when we moved him up to the right hand side of a 4-3-3 formation in the first half of last season. I’m sure if teams weren’t quite sure how to handle him there or if he was enjoying a new lease of life in that position. He did fall away a bit towards the end of last season and was moved back to right back. This year we have tried him in the center of midfield in a 4-4-2 formation, in which he is totally lost. He may be getting confused when there isn’t a byline right beside him! He may have been positioned there to balance the center midfield when Hughes was playing beside him, but Hughes has been too much of a lightweight and Ricksen has been producing his own crop circles as he spins around watching the play go round about him. All being said, Ricksen is still our best option at right back.
   I thought I did see some improvement with our midfield, last Saturday, with the return of Arteta, though we still miss wee Fergie and the influence he brought last season.
   Agree with you both on the subject of Lovenkrands. Too me he will always be a bit of an enigma - just when I slag him off for not being able to control a ball and proceeds to run the ball out of play, he goes and takes on a few defenders and scores a cracker in the top corner of the net. Definately better running onto a ball, and definately one of our better options for scoring against the celtic.
   Going back to your original subject Eck (we did drift off a wee bit!), I believe the club is showing that it has some future long term plans by signing Boumsong. What I like best about the deal is that it is just burning our dear conspiracy lovin friends from the east. After all the slagging about the debt that we are in, we can still go out and sign a player for 40 - 45K a week. They are riding a bit of a high right now, about to lose their most prolific player in decades, possibly along with their manager, but the biscuit tin has stayed well and truely closed. They have this notion that they could be able to rely on their up coming youth (?) to progress further in Europe and will the league. We seem to be looking to the future. Besides, even if it does turn out to be a non-event, at least it is turning my attention away from that 8 points that I seem to hear about every time I read a fitbaw report these days.
   Roll on Jan 3rd - maybe by January 4th we will be reading about how we have signed Ruud Van Nistleroy on a free come the summer of 2005!
9. Charles 12.23.03 / 10am

   To Stuart.
   Just a few, how about “God” “The Magnificent one” “The Immortal” “The ONE” “Henrick” of course if he’s being spoken about by a Rangers fan then you’ll need to prefix each of those names “That fecker….so and so. Have a nice Christmas bhoys and look back on the time when you were eight points back as the good old days.
10. jake 12.23.03 / 11am

    Why are rangers advertising the fact that they are signing Boomsoung?
    So that they can sell their season tickets for next year. Once all the money is in don’t be surprised to hear that the deal has hit a few problems..!!
11. Timaloy 12.23.03 / 1pm

    Conversation between David Murray and Alex McLeish along the lines of the new Guinness comercial

    D.M:
12. Stuart 12.23.03 / 3pm

    Charles

    I’ve used a couple of those descriptions of HL myself on occasion e.g. “oh GOD, he’s just dived in the box again & won another dubious penalty”, or “he’s a complete ONE”, although this sentence usually ends in “ker”..As for immortal, he looks more like one of the undead to me - maybe I’m just jealous that he’s done so well for your mob over the years. I think you’ll be the once looking back on this time as the good old days - once Hensick & Fartin’ have gone, the guts will be ripped out of the side and we’ll see a quick return to the status quo in Scotland i.e celtic playing perpetual catch-up to the Gers.

    Rusty/Del

    Maybe I am being a bit too harsh on Ricksen, so in the spirit of the festive season, I’ll revise my opinion from “complete liability” to “almost complete liability” - can’t say fairer than that?!?!

    He does look better & more comfortable on the right of a midfield 3 than centrally in a 4. He also looks good going forward at pace with the ball, although his 1st touch could be better. Despite this, it is no use if his all too few talents can only be utilised fully for 30 - 50 mins per match before he picks up his seemingly inevitible booking and goes into his shell for the rest of the match rather than risk being sent off. As for playing him in defence - I still have nightmares remembering how easily even ordinary players could skin him down the outside. Also, putting him in a position where he is the last man between the opposition & the goal-line means that if he does dive in recklessly, he’ll be booked. This is even more likely considering how poor he is at marking & shutting off space to opposing players. Even though Ross has a limited amount of ability, I would play him at right back in place of Ricksen every time. Finally, being the 2nd best midfielder at Ibrox after Arteta (who isn’t having a particularly good season)is not all that difficult, when you consider that competition for that coveted honour is between Ricksen, Emerson & “walking x-ray” Hughes.

    On a more cheerful note, it seems that Boumsong is a quality signing who will hopefully improve still further with age & experience. This may explain the reluctance of many of us to dare to believe that anyone of this quality would actually want to come to Ibrox. Arveladze has really settled down this season & looks the part, & at last we have a player in Chris Burke who can take a man on & beat him with the ball - something which has been lacking for a long time. There’s still a long, long way to go, but there are some signs of recovery.

    Happy Christmas, everyone - let’s hope we have to wait until early 2004 before we get the best possible present from Santa at the Paranoia Palace!
13. Derek 12.24.03 / 5am

    Charles, it sounds as if Underhill had a stinker in the Motherwell game, but he also had a stinker when refereeing us against Dundee Utd. You mention the Lovenkrands penalty which was outside the box, but wasn’t a dive as you allege and the Dodds penaltty which was a stonewaller, but fail to mantion the penalty that Rangers should have had in the second half, the fact that the corner that Dundde Utd’s goal came from was a bye kick and that Dodds should have been sent off for kicking Ricksen, but that would spoil your conspiracy theory.

    Oh, and Dallas had a nightmare in the Hearts game as well, but maybe I imagined that because it’s only Celtic that suffer from bad refereeing.

    Have a paranoid Christmas. ;-)
14. Charles 12.24.03 / 9am

    Derek.
    Read your letter slowly to yourself (you can move your lips if nobody is around) then borrow a dictionary and look up the meaning of the word Paranoid ( somewhere between PAR ie normal,average etc and Parabola ie no two sides being parallel)Merry Christmas and keep looking over your shoulder because everyone’s out to get you
15. Stuart 12.24.03 / 11am

    Charles

    What dictionary do you have in your house? Since when does Paranoid come between Par & Parabola - in strict alphabetical order, it would be Par, Parabola then Paranoid - also, a parabola is a “plane curve formed by the locus of points equidistant from a fixed line & a fixed point not on the line”, rather than your description. Perhaps Santa will be good to you & bring you a nice, shiny new picture dictionary - you’ll be able to look up words like “hypocrite” and see a pic of Fartin’ o’Feel, or “Larsson” to see a picture of an Olympic diver.

    …….anyway, Derek’s post just goes to show that our Scottish referees are completely unbiased - they get it wrong in every match, not just when it involves certain teams!

    Enjoy your turkey tomorrow, but leave enough room for the stuffing your team will get in early Jan!!
16. Charles 12.25.03 / 12pm

    Stuart
    You are right and I should have had my dictionary in front of me when I wrote that letter, that’s twice this year I’ve been wrong. You also point out that a parabola is a “plane curve formed by the locus of points equidistant from a fixed line & a fixed point not on the line” Isn’t that what I said? only I used the more direct clarification of no two lines being Parallel, you apparently work in a clerical occupation. Its funny when I write to Derek Stuart answers and vice versa.
17. Stuart 12.25.03 / 5pm

    Charles

    Since when has “no two sides being parallel” meant “a curve”?? your definition described a shape such as a triangle.

    Perhaps Didier Agathe asked you to work out his crossing angles for him, which would explain why he wllies the ball straight into row x when he means to curve the ball into othe 6 yard box. Nice one…..

    Anyway, can we get back to arguing about football instead of geometry??
18. Charles 12.26.03 / 10am

    Stuart, your the wan that keeps bringin up nonsense, noo ah forget ahm ah answerin Derek or Stuart, see yiv goot me confused, ah’l jist hae tae wait tae the third tae get mah spirits back up. Hail! Hail!
19. Derek 12.30.03 / 5am

    Dictionary, Charles? Not sure what you are on about, but it’s the sign of a losing argument when you have to resort to something like this.
20. Fat Eck - your awe-struck editor 01.02.04 / 3pm

    Gents - merry crimbo and a happy new year to one and all. Finally managed to get a fresh rant up on the site, regarding tomorrow’s wee dalliance between Scotland’s BIG TWA and, as a special festive “treat”, I e-mailed it direct to you chaps who’ve been keeping me thoroughly entertained with yer patter back and forth over the last few weeks. Well, I sent it to the Teds amongst you, anyway. Charles and Delbhoy, please don’t be offended - I would have e-mailed the piece directly to your good green selves if I hadn’t though it might have seemed like an unsolicited wind-up.

    Can’t tell ye how chuffed I am to be part of a football website which can attract three or four professors of mathematics to indulge in a debate on the exact definition of a parabola - and then link it to Didier Agathe’s crossing ability. :-)

    Once it gets past “2 + 2 = 4″, I start getting a wee bit blinded by science - but I can pass a quick comment or two on the other stuff being dealt with on this feedback page.

    LOVENKRANDS:
    He’s infuriating - he has the pace and the, aherm, “guile” (i think that’s what you’d call it, Charles ,when it’s Larss-hole - that’s my nickname for him but yer welcome to borrow it at no charge - and Petrov who’re hitting the canvas in the 18-yard box) to do major damage but only ever seems to shine at Rugby Park, Easter Road and, well, Parkhead and Hampden. He starts out on the left wing but it’s just a launch pad for his angled runs across the inside-left area and into the opposition box. He’s scored against Killie, Hibs, Sellik and VFB Stuttgart from that move and hopefully Gavin Rae can pick that killer pass out with the regularity Bazza used to. It’s Lovenpants’ pace and a nano-second of confusion between the defending right/wing back and right-sided centre half which makes it work but we need good passes into that space above all else. His crossing and shooting are, for a professional player, an absolute nightmare - though far better than when he first arrived - but he can still create havoc just by his sheer rate of knots and when he does get the shooting right it is spectacular. He’s worth the continued gamble.

    MOLS:
    Said it before and I’ll say it again - he can’t win a one-on-one with any keeper. Again, for a guy who’s paid to play football, this is an absolute disgrace. Every week he goes clean through on the oppo keeper and every week he misses. But he’ll turn and shoot home through a crowded box with two ugly centre-halves kicking the sh*e out him; he’ll volley home a dropping ball from a tight angle and he’ll score more Derek Johnstone-style headers than we realise.

    Also, he set up both goals against Hearts two weeks ago - the first because his failed one-on-one rebounded to one of our players - and the second becuse of a great cross. I can’t help loving the guy for what he was and could have been before his injury and for that bit of twisty magic he still retains but, all sentimentality aside, he actually links our midfield and strikers these days - he’s more of an in-the-hole player than anyone seems to realise. His shielding of the ball and his lay-offs don’t grab headlines but they’re bl**dy essential to our tactics. Arteta and Hughes/Rae have someone to fire the ball up to, as do our defence when we’re well on top of possession, and they know they’ll get it back or that Mols will channel it through to Lovenkrands or Burke, as our “middle midlfielders” come up to support. In short, he gives us stability of momentum - constantly staking our claim outside the opposition’s box before the cavalry arrive to shore it up. As with Lovenpants, Mols ain’t perfect but our current personnell situation means he has to be used as often as possible for me. If de Boer ever returns, though, I think that’ll be that for Mikey.

    RICKSEN:
    Rusty, Del, Stuart - I think he’s as indispensable to The Gers as you lot are to a quality chin-wag on this site. After Ferguson and Klos, last season I think Nando was on a par with De Boer and Moore in terms of contribution to our spectacular success. I don’t think there’s been a greater turn-around in a Rangers player’s fortunes than that of The Neighbour-Thumper. This in itself doesn’t mean he has to be a great player - even a 100% improvement is not much use when ye were as pish as Nando was in 2000/2001 - but all I can say is that I’m now seriously worried when Nando isn’t on the team-sheet (and on 27th August 2000 that’s something I NEVER thought I’d say).

    Personally, I always want to see him in midfield. This is a problem because we don’t have a god right-back to cover (sorry, Mozza). Zurab can play there but he’s too good to be stuck out on the flank. I agree Ricksen is IN NO WAY a holding midfielder - yese are right to say he just CANNOT be allowed to play in central midfield ever again but on the right-hand side of Ferguson/Arteta he was and is at his best. Ironically, I think Nando prefers playing right back but while McLeish must keep forcing him into his new tactical niche, I think Nando himself has developed a good psycholigical niche (as opposed to a leash) for himself::

    Tomorrow is the best opportunity yet for him to finally get rid of that “would be hard-man” image which has so infuriated us all and which you lads describe perfectly. All Bluenoses hate his childish, downright cowardly blow-outs of the past but the irony is, as demonstarted by the wee sketch on Only An Excuse on Hogmanay (Nando as Hannibal Lecter), the rest of the country believes he actually is a bona fide psycho … he plays it up now and, especially at the likes of Pittodrie, East End park and Rugby park, almost seems to lap up the instant boos every time he touches the ball. In many games I think he actually takes all the presure off his team-mates in a deliberate, constructive fashion - using his reputation - rather than putting them under pressure.

    He gets wired in but, vitally, seems to be learning more and more how to do that without jeopardising the team’s numbers. His utterly limitless energy and determination combine with his unashamed guile and devilment to create a hell of a presence. He is fantastic at breaking up the opposition’s play, especially in midfield but sometimes even as they try to break from defence (conversely, as Phil Neville, Lubo Moravcik and Allan “Monkey” Thompson will tell you, he’s pretty shit at doing it when he’s anywhere near his own box - this is why he should be barred from playing at right back). Fernasdo’s a good ball-winner and a hellishly akward customer to get away from. His passing and running up the insde-right channel is a real threat - remember the 3-2 win over Sellik at Ibrox last season? - and his first touch has improved beyond recognition. All he needs to finally confirm he’s capable using his image rather than let it use him is to have a blinder at Smelltik Park. If he has another ‘mare, on the other hand, I fear for his future - and it would be a real waste. A fekin travesty, in fact.

    REFEREEING
    Charles, you probably had the good fortune not to see last week’s Hearts-Motherwell match, shown live on the Beeb, but even from North America, you’d've been able to clearly spot the one-man vendetta who is Motherwell’s David Clarkson. He smacked Scott Severin across the chops and then went into a grounded Jambo’s nads with his studs (was it Severin again?). The Fir Park striker stayed on the pitch - I’m not sure he was even booked - and the game ended 0-0. It was as clear a travesty of refereeing as I’ve ever seen and the match was so tightly poised that Clarkson’s expulsion would invariably have resulted in Hearts taking all three points … which would have got them further away from Dunfermline in the battle to finish third and guarantee themslelves the UEFA cup revenue which is so vital to a club on such a debilitating budget … hell, if we really want to apply the “EXTROARDINARY” hysteria to this reffing blunder, a Clarkson dismissal may even have ultimately allowed Hearts to remain at their Tynecastle home!!!!

    But we don’t hear The Hearts claiming the SFA is out to get them … well, actually, we do - Craig Levein’s taken them to court because of their referees … AHERM! - but this only serves to further outline the fact that other clubs have far, far worse refereeing injustices perpetrated against them than sellik ever have … we just never hear the same level of moaning from them.

    BOUMSONG:’
    fraid I have to say that the feedback comment I most agreed with on this one was from Jake. it’s just a rouse to get the season ticket sales up for next season.

    Although, having said that, a wee win at The Pigsty would do a fair bit for season ticket sales! … and then you’d hve us all writing in demanding to know why Henning Berg couldn’t be kept on for another season!!! “Boumsong??!! - sod him … use that money to keep the heroes of Park-ned, January 2004!” … ach well, nae harm in a bit of dreaming.

    Here we go, troops - here we go.
21. Fat Eck - your rather irate Editor 01.04.04 / 6am

    Charles,

    Can’t find yer e-mail address and can’t respond to you on my match report of the 3-0 derby defeat because it’s been fecked-up by all the mad so-called Celtic supporters responding like automatons.

    Since when did you give a monkeys about the people of the East End of Glasgow? I’ve never noticed this caring-sharing side of you before??!! Do you think there’s anyone living in the vicinity of Celtic Park who wouldn’t want to live somewhere else? And where did I say anything against the PEOPLE of that area (A few of whom are Bluenoses, BTW, so why would I??!!).

    OF COURSE there’s horrible bits of housing near Ibrox too but - and this is the bit you can’t understand - I am BIASED towards Rangers. This is a fan’s sight and I was being ANGRY because my team had lost.

    I bet every single punter who wrote into respond to my piece has NEVER-EVER said anything negative about Rangers. You hippocritical eejits!

    And you, Charles - you ya cowardly rat-bag. You come on this site every week with your green blinkers firmly fixed and you trawl my pieces for any sentence you can twist to sound like bigotry (Something you seem to be OBSESSED with, BTW) and we all take the time to try and put you right and have a laugh with ye. Yet, the second a rabid bunch of nutjobs comes on and tries to put some kind of Parkhead Fatwah on my wee site, you’re right on the bandwagon.

    What’s most incredible is this “Maybe you’ve been a bigot all along” claim you keep making. I’ve NEVER been sectarian and never will - my mother is catholic, half my family is catholic and I was never brought up in ANY religion, never baptised/christened or owt: I even got married in a registry office - and you’ll NEVER find anything sectarian by Fat Eck on this website. But I dared to give an honest, gut reaction to yesterday’s defeat and suddenly you’re in there agin with the snactimonious fantasy.

    Throughout the piece I acknowledged how superior Celtic were but your type of “Celtic fan” just can’t let ANY insult go by, can you? … While you feel any insult tossed at Rangers fans is entirely justified because, well, it’s only self-defence, really!

    Charles, you disgust me, mate - don’t come back onto this site again with yer faux puritanical tones until you’re ready to grow up by admitting we’re ALL childish when it comes to the fitbaw.

    Eck
22. Sopoq 08.07.06 / 4am

    Good job.

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