De Oranje are not the lonely fruits … any longer (Fat Eck’s EURO 2004 Diary, Match Day 15) PART TWO

AS WE WERE SAYING IN PART 1…

… They “won” that 1974 World cup final by playing the “lovelier” footbal and Germany have been continually “losing” ever since by winning things through diligence, aplication, physicality and on vulgar penalties - why would de Oranje want to throw away that superiority?

Well, if the penalties are a game within a game and Dutch under-achievement on the world stage as much about spot-kicks as the preceding 120 minutes of play, it’s fitting that a great stylist such as David Winner should introduce a book within his own book to explain: Strafschop: The Quest For The Ultimate Penalty, by Gyuri Vergouw preditced that Holland would lose on penalties in the semis of EURO 2000. It even predicted that Frank de Boer would miss his crucial kicks- just as he did twice in that fateful match against Italy and then for the Rangers in our own wee Cup semi against Hibs earlier this year.

Vergouw forecast not only that Holland woudl be eliminated before the final in their own tournament but gave a list of all the exuses which would be churned out: It’s a lottery … it’s not a real football skill … you can’t practice penbalty shoot-outs coz you can’t have the tension and drama coz the crowd ain’t there on the training ground and there’s nowt to play for at practice sessions. Essentially, the Dutch proved last night that they’ve learned the lesson spelled out by Vergouw. The English, on the other hand, haven’t - Des Lynam and whoever the generic “England never lose” commentator was could not extol the “lottery” factor of penalties enough.

When Cocu missed his kick the reaction was almost one of “This proves England aren’t shite - it’s just luck… it’s just a LOTTERY”. Well, if its a lottery, how come the Germans NEVER lose on penalties? Who has THAT kind of luck? The old “toss of a coin” method of deciding drawn games - now that WAS a lottery. The National lottery - that IS a lottery! A footballer attempting to beat a goalkeeper from 12 yards out is a basic FOOTBALLING SKILL. Doing it in front of a large crowd, for high stakes, is also a key element of everything else the footballer LIVES FOR. If it ain’t worth worrying about it ain’t worth taking part in.

No-one is denying the penalty shoot-out is CRUEL for the loser. But it’s not unnecessary cruelty - it’s the equal and necessary converse of the unrestrained joy football can bring when you win at it. The pain of losing a penaly shoot-out is only the kind of cruelty which Hernrik Larsson suffered when he hit the bar eight minutes from the end of extra time instead of undercutting his turning of Jaap Stam and his beautiful volley by an inch and putting Sweden into the semis. It’s the kind of CRUEL way to lose which David Seaman suffered at the last World Cup because his one moment of misjudgement was highlighted more than the many others among his team which stoped England SCORING more goals against Brazil in Shizuoka. Football IS cruel - it’s only dimwits who don’t appreciate that penalties simply put a false focus on individuals who may well have played so much better than the guys scoring the pens but who miss their darn spot-kick: I’m thinking here about Franco Baresi, man-of-the-match in the 1994 World Cup final.

At the end of the day though, a penalty is a SKILL and all skills CAN be practised. Jimmy Hednrix became great at the guitar becasue he practiced day and night - even taking his instrument with him to parties and on the train, bus etc: He didn’t practise in front of crowds of 100,000 or 50,000 - he was alone in his bedroom mostly. Yet he managed to wow the huge open-air concrets of the sixties and seventies. EVERY football skill has to be practised and EVERY Footbal skill has to be practised outwith the match day atmosphere. Why should penalties be considered any different … just because England are pish at them?

But in the Algarve this weekend, the Dutch were too full of the memory of EURO 2000. Losing on their own soil to the Italians was bad enough but when they not only missed three of their four spot-kicks in the shoot-out but two during normal time, the superior attitude had to go: This inability of world class players to perform a basic function of the footballer’s repertoire, simply because they wore orange, was just too embarrassing for words and the 2002 failure to qualify for Japan and South Korea further sorted out their ideas: Winning and progressing was now admitted as being as essential as playing good football. The Dutch, let’s be Frank Rijkard, have had about as much beautiful football as any one nation deserves. They can go do some winning now.

Us Teds, we didn’t know if it would be Dick Advcaat against Borussia Dortmund - disastrous shoot-out - or Dick Advocaat against PSG - brilliant shoot-out. When Ruud van Nistelrooy went totally ballistic upon scoring the first of the kicks, you got the impression the Dutch were up against more than just Sweden - they were exorcising a few ghosts. Van Der Sar’s save from Mellberg was the pivotal moment - again an Aston Villa player fluffs it: Wouldn’t fancy Denmarks chances in a Sunday night shoot-out with Thomas Sorensen in goals! The Fulham keeper indulged in some Andy Moeller-esque pouting then some mad pointing after his save - was it at Robenn? He seemed to be telling his approaching team-mate “now you do YOUR bit!” That would go against the grain of penalty shoot-out decorum - you keep the pressure OFF your mates - but it worked. Something seismic had to change for the Dutch so they were entitled to try something different.

Similairly, did Frank de Boer see the penalties coming as early as the first-half moment he decided to get himself injured and take Freddie Ljungberg with him in the process?. Should have been a red card for our departed centre-back and he’s lucky he’ll be allowed the chance to surpass to his record-breaking 112-cap haul in the semis .. or maybe even the final.

This is the kind of stuff I remember from the game itself - because, while there was goalmouth incident, none of it was in keeping with the generally bland nature of the overall play. Ljungberg hit the woodwork too and Van Nistelroy seemd to be getting closer all the time. Larsson was on the whole fairly well contained by Stam in a battle of the slap-headsbut we all know the lizard-tongued one only needs a second to get his goal … yet a Swedish win never seemed as likely as a Dutch victory … until the penalties came along. Think we’ve discussed that.

I was disturbed by the Dutch players forming a huddle to inspire themselves to victory: Did Dick steal that from the hooped horrors? Also rather troubled by the way Ljungberg’s spot kick was allowed to stand after the ball came off the bar and back out. It hit Van der Sar’s back before trickling back over the goal-line - but isn’t that a bit like someone knocking in a rebound?

Anyway, the poorest of the Quarter-finals - which redeemed itself with the seminal penalty shoot-out - is now hopefully behind us and we’ve had our first goalless day of the championships. The “League of Leagues” scoring index (Detailed below) is unchanged but the goal-per-game ratio is now down to 2.6.

Sunday’s game: The way this championship’s been going - Holland are the only one of the top three favourites to survive - you wouldn’t bet against the Danes … but I have. I bet against them last May when I shoved an ante-post tenner on the 20/1 Czechs (think I MIGHT have mentioned this before … like in EVERY SINGLE RANT I post on this site). If Poborksy, Nedved, Smicer and co start believing their own hype they will come a cropper on the jaggy Braga-esque rock which is the powerful, honest Danes. If they get the head down and enjoy themselves, they should be in the final next Sunday (WHY do I say that after yesterday’s article about Greece? Have I learned NOTHING about Otto Rehhagel?? I don’t know - just can’t help myself.)

PREDICTION: yesterday I only managed to anticipate a penalty shoot -out: Couldn’t get the winner right or the number of goals scored during normal time. So ignore me when, for this one, I say:

CZECH REPUBLIC … 3 DENMARK … 1

The “League of Leagues” scoring index (sponsored by Cafe India, Great Western Road, for all your Pizza, kebab and Curry needs):

FA PREMIERSHIP: 25 (Ronaldo, Lampard x3, Henry x2, Ljungberg, Allback, Baros x3, Van Nistelrooy x4, Rooney x 4, Gerrard, Gronkjaer, Smicer, Scholes, Owen, Postiga)
SERIE A: 14 (Perrotta, Karagounis, Rui Costax2, Tudor x 2 (1 og), Rapaic, Trezeuget x 2, Tomasson x3, Cassano x2)
BUNDESLIGA: 8 (Frings, Charisteas x2, Martin Petrov, Koller, Niko Kovac, Ballack, Makaay)
La LIGA: 4 (Raul, Zidane x3)
EREDIVISIE: 4 (Ibrahimovic x 2, Bouma, Vonlanthen)
SPL: 3 (Larsson x 3)
LE CHAMPIONNAT: 2 (Morientes, Prso)
RUSSIAN CHAMPIONSHIP: 2 (Gusev, Bulykin)
CZECH LEAGUE: 2 (Heinz x2)
GREEK LEAGUE: 1 (Basinas)
UKRANIAN LEAGUE: 1 (Verpakovskis)
PORTUGESE LEAGUE: 2 (Maniche, Nuno Gomes)
SERIE B: 1 (Vryzas)
DANISH LEAGUE: 1 (Jonson)