Ye can keep yer Scottish Cup … Hibs.

Two of the statements above may have irked the more zealous of my fellow Bluenoses but, och, ah cannae help it.

(1) I want to see as much Champions League football as I can - it’s just so glitzy, glam and classy all at once. See, I don’t have Sky (Would be like leaving an alkey in a distillery - I’ll implode if I’ve access to any more of my favourite drug) and when I saw the second leg of the Chealski game was on Council TV I was fair excited. Then I realised, just this very morn, that it wisnae on on the Wednesday but the Tuesday.f

The Champions League, when not featuring The Gers (only every second season on average!), is a mere side issue in my afections - like a mini Mars Bar compared to the Large Donner with everything on (and a Can of Coke) which is my unhealthily obsessive passion for The Teddy Bears. But it does provide an opportunity to enjoy the toppest quality football and not REALLY care about who wins, while ye analyse exactly what Rangers must aspire to if they’re ever to land the one prize they really deserve for being the most splendiferous team in the entire galaxy … milky way … aw naw - I’m back onto the chocolate again …!

It’d have been NICE to see serial European Cup greats like Bayern Munchen showing us how ye use tradition and mentality to overcome a far superior footballing team … but it’s ESSENTIAL to be there at The Palace on Tuesday to help The Teds extend that lead at the top of the SPL, before Sellik travel to the fodder of Livingston on Wednesday.

(Hear that, Richard - I called yer team “Fodder”! Get it up on the notice-board in the dressing room! Do a Walter And Archie!)

(2) I know I’m supposed to want every opponent of Rangers to be at full strength, so our victories over them are all the more honourable but … fu** that! First and foremost, I want us to win, win, WIN! We’ll worry about the thoroughly subjective matter of “Honour” afterwards. Apart from that, Dundee U-bloody-nited have been downright PISH against everyone else this season in the SPL - even when they Played us in the League Cup semi at Hampden we put SEVEN past them. But when we’ve played them in the Championship they’ve been the on-paper equivelant of an injury ravaged-side and it’s made feck-all difference!

They might have got so bad they eventually had to sack Ian “I once curled one round Andy Goram when he was at Hibs and I was at Rangers and later I curled one into Jim Duffy’s shoe when he was the manager and I was a soon-to-be-sold player at Dens Park” McCall but, in doing so, they still managed to take more SPL points off us in two games than Sellik have managed in three.

A last-minute equaliser by Barry Robson (WATCH HIM , NANDO!!) at Ibrox and then the most desperate of last-minute equalisers by The Gers at Tannadice to SALVAGE a point at Tannadice: If we win the league by a point this season - and that would be a bl**dy CHASM the way thins are going right now between us and The Smell - we can all look back on Stefan Klos’s playing of the ultimate Captain’s Part, deserting his goal to get a header onto a Rangers corner which set up Namouchi for a tap-in, as the singular piece of heroism which brought the glory home. If we lose the league by a point, we can look at Robson’s equaliser at Ibrox as the day which broke our hearts (Okay - I know we’ll all immediately think about Inverness equalising in injury time at Ibrox but - for Fu**s Sake! - I’m trying to put an angle together here!).

The Tannadice Terrors have been darned unlucky in their last two SPL outings - only a brilliant Rab Douglas save (Yes, there is such a thing!) stopped them making it 3-3 against Smellick three weeks ago and last week they lost to a last-minute goal by Hibernian’s Gary Smith (Yes, there is such a thing!) in another 5-goal classic.

Tommorrow, while we’re all lying in our kips recovering from an extended Friday Night session, United will be back at Hampden, and facing Hibs again. I think the best thing would be if Hibernian won - this would dampen United spirits which are clearly rising under caretaker boss Gordon Chisholm - but I’d also like it to go to extra-time (can it?) and penalties if possible (would there be a replay?). In other words, I want United to arrive at Ibrox deflated and knackered. We’ll have had nine days to recover from our epic at Fir Park - and it’ll be nice to be playing someone other than Motherwell - and there would be no excuses for thumping the living hell out our visitors in our last meeting with them this campaign.

Oh, and I hope Hibs go on to win the trophy. Theyre a huge club by Scottsih standards and Hearts had their turn recently enough. Hibs have played some really exciting fitbaw this season … and they’re not celtiuc. So good luck to them … in the Scottish Cup … this season.


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