Championship No.51 or Pain-in-the-ar*e No.40 ?

Scotland’s league championship, under whatever nomenclature it tries to hide it’s deficiencies - SPL, Premier Division, First Division, Division 1, Division A - is the second oldest in the world. It began in 1890/91. All these years later, a grand total of ELEVEN teams have been champions of Scotland.

Okay, that’s exactly the same number of different sides which’ve won the German Bundesliga. But the Bundesliga didn’t begin until 1963/64. It’s over seventy years YOUNGER than nationwide league football in Caledonia! From 1903 to 1963 the champions of Germany were decided by a mini-tournament between all the winners of the various regional championships - in that time another FIFTEEN different clubs became Deutscher Meisters. 26 champions of Germany - only eleven of Scotland… and our champs ain’t exactly shared it out evenly:

After Rangers, on a World Record 50, and Celtic, on a rather paltry, jammy, undeserved, charitable 39, comes Aberdeen - the third force in Scottish football history … with a huge tally of FIVE championship flags to their name. Hibs and Hearts have four each. Dumbarton have two and then we have Killie, Motherwell the erstwhile Third Lanark and both Dundee teams on one sinle season a-piece as the best in their country.

There is a point to all this anorakish gibbering. The point is to explain why Rangers fans have become so used to paying much closer attention than we can stomach to our seperated brethren in green and white hoops. And, in cyclical, interminable, ironicalishnislical, circular, fashion, this is WHY we find it so hard to stomach Smelltick.

We always have to worry about Celtic when assesing how well Rangers are doing. This, of course, is why the fires of mutual “hatred” are stoked so easily by every clash of the InFirm - familiarity breeds contempt but so does constanly having to play each other for the biggest domestic honour going. All that religious nonsense may be how it started but that’s now little more than after-the-fact baggage we throw in to add insults to the injuries we wish upon our most capable footballing foe.

Liverpool and Man U may claim to hate each other on socio-geographical terms but it’s all about the football really: They’re the two most succesful teams in England (if you discount European Cups coz, in that case, Notts Forest are joint with Man U) and they can’t stand each other for denying them certain titles they always thought were theirs. We just need to look at the growing enmity between Arsenal and Man U to see that it’s only counter-manding success which brings out REAL footballing rivals. Ours are Celtic and that rivalry, that pain-in-the-ass factor, makes it all the more unpalatable for us to be looking so closely at them this season. Because of our inability to beat Dundee United and Inverness Caledonian Thistle, we’re now waiting for Celtic to slip up in their final two games.

The fact Hearts have just shafted all their players by sacking a boss they loved makes it unlikely the Jambolinos will do us a turn this weekend. Motherwell at Fir Park might seem like a potential stumbling block for the hoopeed herberts but with a sniff of the title and extra Celtic fans in the ground - and Bellamy on form after his hat-trick at Tynecastle - I just can’t see it.

Both halves of the Old Firm have been getting increasingly worse at home as the season’s progressed. So, for me, the fact Celtic’s last two games are away and one of ours is not, makes it even more of a foregone conclusion: To be honest - I think the title will be done and dusted before Fir Park welcomes the Glasgow Erin.

We trail by two points: This saturday Motherwell will draw at Ibrox - maybe even win 2-0 - and on Sunday Celtic will destroy the H-E-A, R-T-S to take the title.

Sorry. But it is our own fault.

Five times in 114 years. Only Five times in well over 11 decades have neither Rangers nor Celtic finished in the top two of Scottish Football. And only on ONE occassion have neither side made the top three of Scotland’s top table (1965, when Killie won it under Willie Waddell, Hearts were second, Dunfermline were third and Hibs were fourth! - we were fifth then Dundee and Clyde pushed Celtic into eighth! Some season, eh). So when it isn’t us winning the league, we suffer even more than we should by allowing our annoyingest rivals to take our place.

But - ye know something - see if we’re honest - you know what we’d all say if Hibs won the league this season by two points from The Rangers:

“Hibs? Fu**ing HIBS??!! They’ve nae money and a fraction of our support. Okay, I mean - losing the League to Celtic is horrible but at least it’s understandable .. embdy else is just embarassing …”!!!

Aye. When yer noh happy, yer JUST NO HAPPY. Only winning the title will do. So roll on next season.

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Published:
06.26.05 / 2pm
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