Dunfermline downer - Tangerine nemesis: Happy New Year!!!

Ye know how sometimes ye cannae be bothered with New Year coz yer still gettin over Christmas? Too much Turkey, beer and running about from relation to relation to workmates to friends to relations - plus all the shopping, wrapping pressies and watching bad films while drinking coke and eating christmas cake: Crimbo can often leave ye so sated of celebration that ye just cannae whip up the energy for another big party in the same week, one which doesnae even get going til midnight.

Well, that’s how I’m feeling about Saturday and the visit of Dundee United, following so hard upon the trip to Dunfermline.

Don’t get me wrang - the East End Park debacle was hardly a case of too much celebrating! It’s more like I’m still dealing with the implications of that particular domestic fuck-up. I’m still so effected by what took place in Fife that I can’t quite bring myself to fully focus on a match against another side who so embody all that’s been inconsistent and unreliable about Rangers in the last two years.

Dundee United. We thrashed them 7-1 in a League Cup semi less than a year ago. Fair enough. But it’s been over two years and six matches since we beat them in the SPL. And these are two years in which the Arabs have been consistently struggling for their lives.

Chairman Eddie Thompson has the proverbial revolving door fitted, proverbially, on the manager’s office at Tannadice. The lastet incumbant, Gordon Chisholm is hanging by a thread - proverb-speak again. But this hasn’t stopped the Tangerine Terrors beating us home and away, holding us to nil-nils and equalising in last minutes every time they face the Mighty Teds.

I’d like to think it’s some sort of badkarma punishment for our ORANGE away strip of a few years back. Remember the Ibrox party line said it was a “Tangerine” shirt? Remember we didn’t even have the balls to admit it was orange? Why would we choose an away strip of a colour so clearly and idiosyncratically linked to an almost eternal top-flight rival. Why would Rangers want a “Tangerine” strip?

We didn’t - we wanted an orange strip. And now we’re being punished for that PR faux-pas and attendant political cowardice and our claiming of another Scottish Club’s home strip. That’s it, isn’t it? it’s just the laws of Karma giving us our just deserts.

Either that or we’re shite.

The season has so clearly been going wrong so much earlier than Dunfermline on Monday. To hear the Rangers crowd from week-to-week you’d think we don’t have much patience for anything less than perfection down Govan way. But that’s just a front. We don’t REALLY mind slip-ups as long as (a) there’s a reason for them and (b) we can overcome them in the long term. For example, who now gives a shit about our failure to beat Artmedia in either of our matches with the Bratislava pan-flashers? No-one. Why? Coz, in the end, we made history in the Champions League.

I’d more or less given up (mentally) on us winning the SPL title, long before Boxing Day. But I thought we’d manage to finish second and get that Champs League qualifiying spot - and it was acceptable because McLeish had done so well for us last season and he was doing so well for us in Europe this season. There were injuries and suspensions - key ones - throughout this season so far and the preparation for Champions League games made some of our slip-ups understandable and maybe even most of them explainable: Punching so far above our weight in Europe would almost demand we punched so very far below it in Scotland.

But, on Boxing Day 2005, the hope of even second place all but evaporated. It’s not fair on Rangers but, yes, the fact it’s celtic who’ll most likely calim top spot, and not Hearts, is what makes us even more bitter about this scenario. We SHOULDN’T care about who wins the league if it’s not Rangers but we do. The fact we’ll now be cheering on Hearts to do a job we can’t is nothing short of ridiculous - as is the fact we’re also entitled to find ourselves wanting the alternative: Celtic to hammer Hearts so we have some outside, desperate chance of finishing second.

Yes, Europe is still very much alive. “Champions League - we’re having a laugh”. But the mitigation factor this allows Alex McLeish has been cancelled out by two key advantages being restored to our team before the Dunfermline dunciad: The players have now been amply rested between games and the first team is settled.

We failed to win both games either side of ANY of our Euro matches this season, even the qualifyers against Famagusta. So when we had six days between the Killie and Hearts games and won both it seemed as if over-exertion was a legitimate “excuse” for our form in Scotland. But we had NINE days rest between the Hearts and Dunfermline games.

And what changes have there been to the first team over these last three SPL games? Namouchi’s been in and out but the only major change was Ricksen. Not enough of an explanation for our continued failure to win succesive away games when the opposition in Scotland is so plainly pish poor.

Nando stood down for treatment he’s been needing all season. Again, Alex McLeish decides too quickly to withdraw a player. Again, Eck fails to stick with a winning formula just long enough to guarantee a single result or a run of results. He’s done it over a few games - one win at Rugby Park was enough to convince him Rickers could miss a month - and he’s done it during the course of single games: Buffel turned the team round when he made his comeback against Falkirk - he went off at 2-0 to Rangers and within miniutes it was all-square; Lovenkrands hits a hat-trick against Killie and is taken off at 3-1 - it’s soon 3-2 and we’re hanging on; Peter is again withdrawn after scoring two goals at Dunfermline - this time we’re only 1 goal to the good and this is why no-one is shocked at the fact we then drew the game. Pete was subbed despite eight goals in five games: As soon as someone proves they’e vital to the cause, we’re taking them out the equation.

The same cannot be said of Francis Jeffers. His main contribution to The Rangers cause was causing a rammy among the East Stand visitors at Dunfermline as he warmed up in front of us. One guy told him he was shit and a few more wanted to kill said guy for being disloyal. Fair enough but no-one will be sorry to hear “Franny” is fucking-off back to Charlton. Except everyone at The Valley.

Big Nieto’s loan move is also over. Injury ruined the guy’s chances but he made his mark by saving our skins in the Cup game against Clyde and I’d like to have seen him get another chance. Good luck ye, Federico.

Alex McLeish, everyone seems to think, will stay for the Villareal game - no matter what happens inbetween. No chance. There’s far too much face to be lost between now and the end of February for a resignation or sacking to be impossible. I really worry about the Peterhead game because - HEY - we just can’t hump anyone over 90 minutes and this is one team we have to bury.

As are Dundee United but I just keep hearing Alex’s words on the radio and on Scotsport’s highlights: ” We knew the only way Dunfermline would get back in the game was from a set-piece” So why did we spend all of injury time giving them as many set-pieces as possible? Dundee United should be watching those highlights and listening to those comments and thinking “a draw will be a bad result for us in Glesgie”

Having seen it on the telly, Soti’s sending-off was harsh and Dunfermline’s penalty was soft - but not as harsh as Makels’/soft as ours. We should have had a penalty on the first half, yes, but when you’re looking for such excuses against the team bottom of the table things are pretty pathetic.

And, what’s worst of all, it’s nothing strange. What happened at East End Park was indeed PAR FOR THE COURSE. We’re at the point of turning a winless November into a lose-less December but, even if we beat united on Saturday, it’ll be a fucking shock if we do so convincingly. The down-up-down nature of the Boxing Day ding-dong was reminiscent of so many games this season - except the ones where there’s been no ups at all. How many times have we looked in command of a game this campaign? Against Livvy and Dunfermline at Ibrox and - ironically, with it being only a 1-0 win - against Hearts, last home game. Normally the chucking away of two points at Dunfermline would be the one-off in a Rangers season. But it was winning the two previous games on the bounce which constituted the blip in this campaign. We thought those two wins were the beginning of the domestic revival. If so, it wasn’t long in ending.

We just don’t have it. Against Scottish teams.

Nando’s having to rush back for the United game. With Kyrgiakos - already sent off at Tannadice this season - suspended from this one with Big Bob, I’m heading for Ibrox on Hogmanay with the only Bells on my mind being those which ring change - managerial change. I support my club and all who sail her - I’ll cheer like hell - I’ll never slag them verbally. But I think I’m about the most patient bear around when it comes to Eck McLeish … rather than “lose it” with him, I’m just waiting for him to go with sadness in my heart.

Still - 2005’s been fucking great. A League Cup final romp, the most memorable title win ever and our first ever qualification from a Champions League Group. If Eck McL does go, the first thing that’ll come to my mind is 22nd May 2005 and then that night in Porto … in 2005.

Nip down to the quiz, below this rant, and Have a Happy New Year, folks.