The Machinist (Well … 1 GERS … 2)

Some calibration is required. The fine-tuning will be on-going. Some of the components can be upgraded - there are replacements sat in the store room, the repair room. We might even ship in some fresh parts from overseas.

But, on its first day of production, the Paul Le Guen machine put the Rangers industry into profit.

And it was a quietly wonderous thing to behold.

No bitching. No moaning. No shirking. No stopping. On and on and on, til the necessary goods were complete and ready for the show room. Three SPL points at the first time of asking - The new Rangers are a machine, troops. The new Rangers are a beautiful, beautiful machine.

Thomas Buffel could have had a hat-trick. You know Le Guen hates “could have” - you just know he sees it as “should have” and he wont accept anything other than “Thomas Buffel SCORED a hat-trick”.

Charlie Adam hit the bar, Dado had a shot pushed onto the post, we lost a sloppy goal because we had a big gap in the middle of our defence for a couple of seconds. Paul Le Guen won’t allow this to go unmentioned, unhighlighted, uncorrected.

How do I know this? How do we know this? Because EVERYTHING ELSE WAS SO ABSOLUTELY RUTHLESSLY BRILLIANT that there’s no way this gaffer leaves anything to chance.

He’s got a degree in economics? You sure it isn’t engineering?!! You take a team of players, half of whom are new to the country, never-mind the club, and the other half of whom have been working under a different manager for their entire Rangers career, you take them to the full-on physical bombardment that is Motherwell away - the classic “welcome to Scotish Football” experience - and you make them play a game of such movement, cohesion, balance and downright fucking elan that the entire Rangers support, the most picky fan base in Christendom, is beside itself with excitement, despite the fact we only won by one goal!! That’s some feat - that’s some manager … that’s some mastermind!

At times today, particularly during the first half tornado of relentless, piercing Rangers attacks, I was thinking Dynamo Kiev at their Oleg Blokhin-inspired best. I was thinking about those scientifically-engineered Ukranian XIs which would pop up every now and then on the European stage to mesmerise like a working Sony Playstation and 50-inch plasma telly in the Middle Ages. Valery Lobanovskiy carried out experiments on his Kiev players - it was all about peripheral vision, awareness of the wider picture - all about movement. Where did Lobanovskiy’s protegee win the second of their Cup Winners Cups? Stade De Gerland - home of Olympique Lyonnais!!!! Oh MY GOD - the coincidences! Oh My God - the symbolism! Oh My God - the sheer pish I’m talking …

Yeah. Okay. I’m getting a bit over-excited. But is that not what it’s all about/! Is that not the ambition of any fitbaw fan, to see your team winning and to see them playing in a way which gets you totally over-excited?! Today, The Rangers did just that.

No-one had “The perfect game” but we had three, four - maybe five players who put in shifts of varying degrees of brilliance. No-one played badly and everyone looked like they were singing from the same unbelievably sharp, fit, hungry, tactically-astute hymn-sheet.

As we weren’t in any way tired of hearing over the last few days, most Rangers managers of the last half century have lost or drawn their first league game in charge. Even Twat features here - yer Editor - was whining on about our need to draw today because the Old Firm team which has drawn their opening SPL game of the last five seasons has gone on to lift the title. Celtic won yesterday, so it was all teed up for a Rangers draw today to give us the Championship on Day One. Unfortunately, football doesnae actually work like that - ie like my anally retentive, superstition-laden excuse for a brain - and, as soon as ye see yer favourites hit the park, you just wanted that trend bucked with three opening day points on the board. Paul Le Guen doesnae look like the kinda garcon who gives a rat’s arse about superstition - he just wanted a winning start but, with all that we knew about season’s past and historic, a win was nicer than it should have been today.

Or maybe the fact BOTH Old Firm teams won their opening game this season means the 2006/2007 SPL title will be Tynecastle bound!

Letizi only had one real save to make and he made it - too bad his near-miraculous stop of Phil O Donought’s 52nd minute shot landed back at the Motherwell midfielder’s feet and got hooked back into the opposite side of the net. Svensson and Rodriguez had their only bad moment in allowing O’Donnell two cracks at that particular whip but looked solid at all other times. Clement sat in but couldn’t wait to gun his engine and would burst out occassionally from his holding berth as would Smith and Hutton from full-back. Hemdani was all about playing the ball out from Clement’s region to the all-out attackers:

Libor Sionko was unremittingly exciting and his run into the box after a Charlie Adam long ball resulted in a shot and rebound off Graeme Smith into the net. The ball spun backward as it floated forwards and almost sat still one inch behind the line. A Czech bounced up to the Davie Cooper stand. Adam also put in the corner for our winner and he was the only Rangers player on the pitch who looked anything other than an arrangement of muscle on five sticks - yet he was more than sharp enough. He was brilliant. As Advocaat did with Ferguson so Le Guen may do with Adam.

Buffel faded a bit in the second but ran through the Rugby-League shirts of the Motherwell defence as if they weren’t there for much of the opening 45. Dado, wearing the armband, bulleted home the Adam corner on 65 minutes for the final goal of the game.

There was plenty to be critical about and much of the optimism is based on Le Guen’s record in France. There’s no doubt I’m simply loving the IDEA of Le Guen as much as the actual product so far. But, equally, what he’s produced so far - just ONE GAME in - is undoubtedty worth a lot of that optimisim. Above all else it was our MOVEMENT today. Motherwell couldn’t live with us for 70% of the match and, even for a McLeish-admirer like myself, it was obvious that this style was day to Eck’s night. There was a veritable explosion of energy out there today - but it was harnessed wonderfully by Le Gaffer.

Burke, Ferguson and Boyd - and maybe even a Slovakian from Vienna - all wait to put the razor edge on the cutting teeth of the grinding bits of the sharp new Rangers machine.

I’m on my holidays now. It’s been a long five months since my last break from the daily grind and most of that time was spent watching Rangers shift from one manager to another with unedifying comments from some of our own fans and many a media arsehole. It’s been a hard time - I’m knackered. But I think I’ve managed to upset most of the folk who read this site, managed to change most smug posts to outraged posts with an over-the-ball written assault (if I haven’t, you’re a wank), so my work is done - I’ve earned my holiday.

On monday 31st I’m off to Germany for seven days - I’m gonnae tour parts of Deutschland I aint already toured and I’m gonnae enjoy it. I might even take in a DFB League Cup semi. I’ll miss next Saturday’s visit of Dundee United and, despite the top Teutonic time I’ll be having, I’ll now be more than just mildly irritated by that fact I waont see PLG’s first competitive game at The Brox - I’ll be full-on sad about it because what’s happening at Rangers right now is a holiday in itself. It’s genuinely bloody uplifting.

Be back a week on Tuesday, folks. But try and remember all the gossip for me coming back. I’m missing us already!