Who we playing this Saturday?

The general media consensus tells us Paul Le Guen doesn’t know who he’s gonnae pick to play for Rangers on Saturday. Thing is, neither does Gordon Strachan.

While the ginger goblin may know his own starting XI more readily than any of the Ryder Cup caddies know the yardages at the K Club, and while the Fourth Estate may think an obvious and familiar team-sheet is a plus point for the Smelly-tick, the one good point to be taken from Rangers last few shakey performances and our victorious left-of-centre line-up at East End Park is that Strachan will have absolutely no idea which eleven players will come out that away dressing room at Celtic park wearing the Red and Black socks at 12:25 this Saturday.

Of course, most of the retards who want to judge Le Guen’s capabilities on his initial month of competitive football at Rangers rather than his three years at Lyon, are quick to cry that Strachan doesn’t actually CARE which Rangers team takes to that horrible east end pitch - “he can beat ANY eleven of the current Rangers squad” they bleat - but I’m not so sure.

Wee Gordy’s been on the radio telling everyone that the Old Firm match isn’t as competitive or aggressive as it was twenty years ago. He’s giving himself away again. We can take it from that little globlet of opinion that Celtic will come out all guns blazing, ready to set about us as hard as ever.

So again Strach’s shown his hand. We now know both what his team’s gonnae be and how they’re going to approach the game.

And, again, Strachan does not know the same of Rangers.

Form book says we should lose - probably by a couple of goals. And form books don’t go out the window in the Old Firm fixture as often as we’d like to think - they often don’t even make it off the shelf. But the one consoling factor for us Bears is that the current Rangers have no real form as such. We’re in transition, we’re experimenting, we’re often poor of late but we’re always downright unpredictable. And if anyone thinks Paul Le Guen’s failed to realise the importance of the derby, they can’t possibly think David Murray’s failed to tell him. My hope is that Le Guen has been planning this very day as the moment we stop training and start exploding onto the secene as the new revolutionised Rangers.

If we don’t, hey ho. Strachan lost his first old firmer and went on to win the league. If that git can do it anyone can.

There’s every chance we’ll have to wait til the Ibrox return before the first derby win but, just as the black side of my superstition says Kenny Miller has been waiting til this weekend to get his first (and second and third) celtic goals, so my positive illogic says Kris Boyd will destroy all doubts about his starting role and his place as an Ibrox legend by rattling in a few on Saturday. Boydy knows what it’s like to score at parkhead this season - what he did against the Faroes he can continue on Saturday but, even if he sits on the bench, a Rangers win will have us in more than just agreement with the new manager:

Europe and titles bring respect. Doing celtic brings love and affection.

Alex McLeish’s first was a classic 2-1 Hampden League Cup semi win. Dick Advocaat’s was a 0-0 SPLer at The Brox. Waldo’s was an electric 2-0 Prem Div win at The piggery. Souness did them in the Glasgow Cup final one Friday night at Ibrox and then the full teams met in Govan again one Sunday the following August - Davie Cooper’s reverse pass played Wee Durranty in to score the only goal of a game we dominated, the first OF game ever to be shown live on TV in Scotland. The last time a Rangers manager lost the first Old Firm game of his reign was when John Greig fell 3-1 at parkhead in August 1978 - Greigy was the last Rangers manager never to win the title. Paul Le Guen is gonnae win the title.

Worst case scenario this Saturday? We lose by three goals and then draw the bastards at parkheid again in the tea-time League Cup quarters draw.

Best case? We win but all the talk is about how we deviated from the Wee Blue Songbook.

Both cases will have mitigating circumstances.

I’d like it if we won 4-0 and The Bears simply stood in silence, smiling contently for the entire match. But I’ll settle for 1-0 and a bit of mild applause. :-)

There’s a feature on Radio Scotland right now, all about the 4-4 game at Ibrox in March 1986. I was down the front of the Govan that day - the very front. Getting soaked with my mates. At 3-1 down I remember watching the Broomloan belt out Roaming In The Gloaming. It was awful but it was awesome. When we came back from 3-1 down to go 4-3 up in the space of 20 minutes my mate fell onto the trackside and two of us hauled him back into the seats - as we did so Davie Cooper came walking back up to his spot on the wing, looked at us and cooly motioned for us to “Crank it up a notch”. We almost passed out. That’s my kind of religious experience.

As I think about this I don’t remember hatred - I just remember amazing football, amazing personalities and amazing emotions. Scotland is a sad, bitter country - suicide rates amongst young men in this nation are through the roof - we need to vent spleen outwards instead of internalising it and, unfortunatley, we find religious-based reasons to vent our bitternes at the football. It’s so bad it’s almost healthy but the noxious atmosphere is not what we remember about these games. Just the celebrating, the cheering, the good atmosphere and the football. Welcome to the Old Firm derby, Paul. Enjoy.