Thirty Years and mounting …

Happy Birthday to me!

2nd April 1977 til 2nd April 2007. If you count the moment you TRULY started supporting your team as the occassion of your first seeing them in the flesh, then Monday night was my Pearl Anniversary of Bluenosedom.

Did I get an appropriate necklace to celebrate? Ow nooooo - we just had a wee bash, here at Gers@OpenFootball Towers aka “Casa Eck” or, as it says on the lovingly hand-crafted, honey-nut finished, pebble and egg shell-encrusted, ethnically-detailed name plate we have above the front door, “Viagra Falls”.

Azure catrering laid on the nosh, Carling provided the bevvy, Big Marvin Andrews and Terry Hurlock were the door stewards who kept anyone with any grammatical or ethical grievances on the wrong side of the red, white and blue rope. Speiro tried slipping our bouncey-bouncey, bouncey-bouncers a tenner but he wisnae gettin in with they elbow patches: Trainers were fine tho and Neill Lennon would have been straight intae the VIP section if he hudnae thrown that bottle at the DJ - Big Derek wisnae bothered but Lenny still got huckled - and The Rangers Trust obviously didnae get their invites (they pies are still in the oven with your names on them, boays!)

Andy “God” Goram kept bar, John Greig was the MC and a prominent member of the Scottish legal profession provided the music - sometimes A Cappella. Sir Davie of Murray financed the whole show and even coughed up the shortfall between ticket sales and overheads, while Gio Van Bronkhorst burst out my three-tier, “Bill Struth Main Stand” cake in his best lady-boy garb - he was a late replacement for Jardel’s wife after she got trapped under a bag of cement her husband couldnae control.

Everyone whose been anyone down my last three decades of Beardom was there, folks.

Derek Parlane, scorer of the first Rangers goal I ever saw live, he was there to be quizzed again about how he helped hump the mighty Bayern.

Erik Bo-Andersen, the man who turned round the most brilliant Old Firm win of my life, stayed for a few hours but never went near Gazza or the toilets.

Peter Lovenkrands flew in from Gelsenkirchen so he could tell me what it was like to score in both legs of the singularly most absorbing European tie I’ve witnessed with The Gers and Scott Nisbett was only too happy to talk about THAT bounce which led to the goal that still makes me cry like the rain at Ibrox that night against Brugge.

Coop couldnae make it but he probably just didnae want to hear me going on and on and on AGAIN about how 70,000 people were still silent in expectation while he was away celebrating the most viciously brilliant free-kick I’ve ever seen. “Aye, Eck - aye - I know - I Know - you’ve told me this one before: You were up in the Main Stand because you met two guys fae Northern Ireland on the Stranraer train between Kilwinning and Mount Florida and they wanted to stand on the auld Rangers End. So you and Allan swapped tickets with them and it wis a better view than ye get on the telly and then the wee shallow nets Hampden had for a few years meant the ball had pinged back out and in front of Jim Leighton again before anyone could digest the fact it was a goal . because I hit it so hard etc, etc. God’s sake, Fat man, change the record, would ye … “. Sorry Coop - cannae help it - most thrillingly unpredicatble domestic game I ever did see.

Dale Gordon had a pint with me as I lectured him for nearly breaking Coisty in two while celebrating that breakaway belter at Elland Road, my joint-favouritist Rangers goal ever. And then Neilly McCann has tae get pulled off me by the bouncers because I always say his for 3-0 at Parkhead on 2nd May 1999 is my favourite Gers goal of all time. Sorry, Neil - cannae make up my mind, mate … they were baith dream goals to set up dream scenarios ..nae offence meant …

Craig Paterson just kept blanking me - he’s hurt because I always remember the day he scored for us against Clydebank AND for Clydebank against us. Sorry, Craig - it was just a mental day which summed up the early-mid eighties. I remember yer goal against Osasuna too … and ye lifting the League Cup as our captain! Nope - he’s still noh talking.

Alessandro Altobelli flew in for a chin-wag with Davie Micthell and Ian Ferguson (the first) about the first European game I ever attended. Beating the Inter of Altobelli, Rummenigge, Bergomi and Brady 3-1 wisnae a bad debut for me, they agreed. Thank god the Feyenoord support - the scariest I’ve ever seen at Ibrox - were kept out the do by Marv and Terry.

Jock Wallace once lectured my mum on the fact she turned up at a Rangers Player Of The Year dance wearing a green coat. He obviously didnae want to cause any more domestic disharmony - I tried to leave home from the shame of the whole incident - so it was just Walter, Graeme, John, Dick, Paul and Big Eck who sat in “Duh Management” lounge talking tactics. Souness wisnae interetsed in my recollections of the night he shrunk the pitch before we put Dynamo Kiev oot the European Cup - he was still too busy apologising to The Murray Mint for making the biggest mistake of his managerial career …

MoJo said he was gonnae come but then, at the last minute, went to somebody else’s party.

And all the folk I’ve watched Rangers with over the years, My Aunt and Uncle, my wee cousins, my mates, Allan, Ronnie, Dingy, Robin, Sauce, Lynnty, Hil, Ewan and the guys who sit next to me whose names I never know but whose love for The Gers is so apparent - they were all there, keeping me away from the pies.

At the end of the night all that was left was for me to do the awards - a lot of which will hopefully have changed by the time of my 40th … if I ever see that anniversary:

Favourite Player: Davie Cooper - narrowly edges out The Goalie because, for so many years, Coop was the only thing to remind us we were a great club, other than the stadium - but the stadium was always empty.

Favourite manager; Uncle Walter - Nine -In-A-Row and the closest we’ve ever come to the Champions League/European Cup final. Legend.

Favourite season: 1992/93

Fav goal: Settled for Nissie’s against Brugge - cannae argue with the tear-ducts.

Best Goal: Peter Lovenpant’s against Villareal in El Madrigal, edges out his belter against the same team at Ibrox the previous week which Burkey did so well to set up. That 22-pass job against Borussia Dortmund which Rod Wallace finished off was a belter but the occassion makes a goal even more enjoyable and teh nouse, determination and sheer heart stamped all over the build-up and finish to Pete’s strikes in the single-most visceral fitbaw experience of my 30-years showed we were up to the occassion if not quite the victory.

Best save: The Goalie, God Goram : 67th minute, of a 3-3 classic at brox: Tosh McKinlay cross, Pierre Van Hooijdonk header down to the bottom corner - seems like a certain goal til a fat man in all-white seems to defy gravity and time …

Fav Save: Paul McStay v Raith Rovers - it was AT IBROX so it counts on my list!

Most Intense game: Villarreal - either leg.

Most exciting, as in “end-to-end, could go either way” game: Spring of 1986 Rangers … 4 Celtic … 4 - edging out 1987/88 League Cup Final and the 2002 Scottish Cup Final.

Most Fun AT a game; 1996 Scottish Cup Final - sat next to the podium, Walter Smith winked at me from Director’s box after Laudrup’s opener, shook hands with all the players after they’d lifted the Cup.

Fav personal performance: Semi-final of 1996 Scottish Cup, leaving the Main Stand Main Door at Hampden after we’d done Celtic and the massed ranks of Celtic fans on the left, waiting for player autographs, were duly baited, while the massed rank of Bluenoses to my right cheered me on and we celebrated together. Closest I’ll ever come to scoring in an Old Firm game.

Fav Old Firm Game: Winning the league at Parkhead 1999.

Worst Old Firm game: Gers … 0 Celtic … 3, SPL 2000/2001

Greatest moment: Beating Leeds home and away narrowly outranks either of the two final wins in our four League wins over Celtic in 1996/97 - those were the moment we won Nine-In-A-Row.

Most wildly exciting moment: 22nd May 2005; “And we’re hearing Motherwell have scored a second goal …”

Worst moment: Ally Mitchell’s lates, late winner for Killie at Ibrox in 1998 - the moment we truly lost Ten-In-A-Row beats even the departure of Paul Le Guen and the failure to go that extra yard and make the 1992/93 European Cup Final (Coz we would have beat Milan that night too !! We WOULD Have, ye know!!! :-))

Worst non-footballing Rangers moment: The untimely loss of Davie Cooper. Devestating.

Proudest non-Footballing Rangers moment: The bigger Bears calmly taking a beating from the Spanish Police in Villarreal to ensure the women, kids and infirm got into El Madrigal safely.

Most Enjoyable non-footballing Rangers moment: The 2000 Oranje Cup final - the day we took the piss out our “orangeness”.

Most intense atmosphere: Leeds at home in 1992.

Fav home Strip: 1977/78

Fav Away Strip: The 1992/93 Adidas job - actually looked like a Rangers strip - so Red, White and Blue.

Fav person to attend games with: My sis.

Fav Away Ground: The Old Tannadice with that terracing so steep.

Best Away Ground: Do Dragao, Porto - like a space-ship had landed.

Fav Rangers XI of my 30 years:

Andy Goram
John Greig
John Brown
Terry Butcher
Richard Gough
Ian Durrant
Graeme Souness
Davie Cooper
Brian Laudrup
Mark Hateley
Derek Johnstone

Subs: Stuart McCall, Ally McCoist, Jorg Albertz, Barry Ferguson, Chris Woods

Best goal ever seen scored against Rangers? Tam McManus hit an absolute pearler of a volley against us a few years back as we beat Hibs 5-2 or something at Ibrox and Andy Thom hit that 55-yarder past The Goalie in that 3-3 draw from 1995 and I’ve seen Juve, Inter, Bayern, Man U, Leeds, Ajax, Feyenoord and PSV all scoring at The Brox but there was a counter-attacking move in the last old firm game of 2002/2003, which John Hartson finished and Henrik Larsson featured in very heavily which made me realise that his really was the best Celtic team I’d ever seen. It’s narowly beaten by Mendieta’s volley for Valencia in the Champions League - what a goal by …

Best opposition team ever seen: Valencia at Ibrox against Advocaat’s Rangers - had everything.

Yup, those were the awards, troops. Then it was “finish up your drinks, bar’s closed and Fat Eck’s got a rant to write on his sad wee self-involved blog.”

And why didn’t I invite any of the troops who read this Blog so loyally and so true? Was it because it was all in my head and, although the size of my brain does allow plenty extra room in there, it still constituted a bit of a health hazard to have ye all around?

Nah. It was because it’s one thing to bore the tits off yer heroes - I wouldnae dae that to my friends! Youse huv to read this crap every week, I’m not gonnae subject ye to the face-to-face version too!

I mean, John Brown and John Greig are hard but even they were starting to sniffle and beg for mercy when I revealed there were still ten more anecdotes to go on my “Eck’s favourite Rangers Away strips” routine …

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Published:
04.03.07 / 9pm
Category:
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