Smudger runs the country - North Ayrshire posse RULES!

Fantastic result for The Socks of Sweat last night. The two oldest cultured football nations on the planet met for what seems like their fifteenth friendly in three years and we’ve finally truned the results full circle.

Congrats to Messrs McGregor, Hutton and Adam on making their debuts for the country which took the game up only after England and who then invented passing and entertaining football. When Hungary and Austria became the first nations to engage in an international fixture on continental Europe it was the start of Austria’s reputation as the best exponents of “The Scottish style”. No joking! Austria were seen as footbal elitists right up until Germany gave them a solid doing in the 1954 World Cup semi-final and, like us with the English, they had to sit back as their larger nation began winning more international recognition with what we soon decided was their bruising, comparatively prosaic, all-brawn style.

So when Osterreich turned us over 2-0 at Hampden a few years back in a very poorly attended friendly it was a damn pleasure for Yours Bluely just to be there - I almost got Andy Herzog’s shirt too (Damn those 23 travelling Austrian fans for bundling me out the way when the big man chucked his simmet intae the bottom of the South Stand!!)! When we went 2-0 up on their asses in the Arnold Schwarzennegger stadium in Graz more recently it felt that, yeah, we might be giving them full tartan pay-back and us Teds might finally get a bit of closure on the 2-0 gubbing we took off Sturm Graz on the same pitch. But, nein. The Austrians said “I’ll be back” and they pulled it level before the end.

Garry O’Connor scored that night and there looked like there was no way HE’D be back after his walk-out last October. But the man fae Moscow was welcomed back from Russia with love by Eck McLeish when he took over from Walter Smith (”From Russia with love”???!!!, “I’ll be back”??!! What the fu… have I been reading the Daily Record in my sleep or something??!!) and Gazz repayed us in full with a nice wee winner in Vienna last night.

Well done , my son - now get yer fucking act thegither, do a bit mair growing up in Moscow and then come back to The Teds.

Wish Allan McGregor would shut up about McLeish though. He was wrong when Eck was Rangers manager and Al’s wrong now Eck is Scotland manager. He’s not in the same class as Craig Grodon, woulsn’t have been if Eck had played him after Klos’ disastrous injury in 2004/2005 and never will be if he persists in giving the tabloids such ungracious, divisive stories.

Nevertheless, job done in Austria - well done, Scotland. And , from an OpenFootie pov, well done to the many Teds who took part. (Ryan Gigs retiring and Davie Weir still going strong!) Now let’s do that one thing we never did between 1969 and the last time we played an international at Parkhead - THRASH A MINNOW. Let’s give the Faroes a solid going-over in Toftir coz, having beaten France, these are the kind of results - added to just one more semi-miraculous result - which will now get us to EURO 2008. Come on - belieeeeeveeee!

More improtantly for the Scottish game, of course, it looks like Gordon Smith, a man who played the game in the land of the EURO 2008 co-hosts, may well be ratified as the new Chief Executive of the SFA on Friday.

Obviously, I’m totally biased - not only coz he played for The Teds but coz he comes from North Ayrshire, “the Three Toons” area of Ardrossan, Saltcoats and Stevenston, like myself. By the time I was 9 I had his autograph enough times to decorate my room with his signature coz he was always opening fetes and stuff nearby and aunties and family friends were always proffering the pen and paper. In fact, he probably moved to Brighton then Neuchatell just so he could get out the habit of writing “To Alexander…” at the beginning of his name. I like to think, though, this ingratiation with the man is NOT why I’ve always thought he was the best pundit on Scottish radio or telly-box: Not a very “exciting” style our Gordon has but that’s because he was too busy talking cold, hard sense.

His hair-dying is getting out of order - it looks like a purple rinse, Gord. Stop, now! - but he was very often spookily psychic when predicting results, team selections, substitutions etc and he’s BRILLIANT at cutting through all the tabloid sh*t-stirrig to get to the real point of a matter.

Of course there will be nutters among the Celtic support who’ll rant and rave about his Rangers past but there are probably just as many insane Gers punters who want him hung, drawn and quartered for any of the many times he’s had to tell Richard Gordon or Dougie Donnelly “Rangers just weren’t good enough today”. We cannae give in to these rabid types. He’s a straight-donw-the-line personality and he’s sussed. We need that at the top. We think …

On radio he continually undermines the accussations of bias just for his punditry - from Celtic AND Hearts fans in recent years - and he does that very well.

Being a football agent and able to batter the sh*te out Tommy Sheridan in the boxing ring certainly indicates he has the savvy and backbone for a top football position - I pass him in the street quite a lot around where I work and he looks trim as fuck, as if he could still play a half for us - but I wonder if the appointment of the kinda guy fans can relate to may ultimately prove why the likes of McBeth, Taylor and Farry got their jobs. Maybe Smith will have too many morals. Maybe he wont have the boring, self-absorbed, pedantic eye of the professional administrator.

Wait a minute - that’s EXACTLY why he should get the job!

Get the kids back playing football on a massive scale in Scotland, Gordon and abandon ALL TALK of “we can only expect so much from a small nation like ours”: I don’t see China winning many World Cups! If Greece can win the European Championships, if Holland can do likewise, If Denmark can win it … if Uruguay can win two World Cups for feks sake, then there’s no reason Scotland shouldn’t be ashamed of the fact we’ve never got past the group stages in a major finals. We’re the second-oldest footie nation on earth and there’s only a handful of countries with our inate passion for and knowledge of the game.

Go on, Gordon - you tell them what I’ve always told myself - SIZE ISN’T EVERYTHING!!

Talking of my home town, Gordon’s appointment might not be the only important announcement this Friday, 1st June, and, to be honest, I’m a hell of a lot more happy about Smudger’s possible move (Did an SFA official just get too drunk in hospitality at Saturday’s Cup final, stumble into the BBC’s temporary South stand studio and say “HOH! Any cu*t in here want to be Chief Exec??!!”? Dougie said “Naw - I’m too busy shifting couches” and Pat Nevin said something which even a drunk man couldn’t decipher - STOP MUMBLING, NEVIN!!! So Gordn got the interview and the job? Sounds like the SFA to me!) than I am about the dread scenario which could result from THE JUNIOR FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION’S VOTE ON ENTRY INTO THE SENIOR SCOTTISH CUP!!

Oh yes. Oh no!

Four Junior teams would be allowed into the Scottish Cup proper if the Junior beaks approve the move before this weekend. Now, while Ardrossan Winton Rovers aren’t looking in any real danger of winning any of the three Super Leagues at the moment or winning the Scottish Junior Cup - the four ways to qualify - the ratification of this proposal would throw up the potential for a Rangers-Winton clash at some stage down the line.

I don’t know about you guys. I dont know what junior teams you support or how ye feel about them but, I’ve always answered provincial accusations of glory-hunting in the SPL by saying that I DO, in fact, support my local team. Because MY local team is Ardrossan Winton Rovers and I FUCKING LOVE THEM! I had a season ticket for Winton Park LONG Before I had one for The Brox. The Winton’s best run in the Junior Cup saw us lose a semi in the early 70s - AT IBROX!!! (pwoud - vewy, vewy pwoud) - and, much as I’d love to see The Bears slap seven shades of tacky shite out of Saltcoats Vics (bastards!), if we - that’s “WE” - drew Rangers in the big Scottish Cup I’m afraid I’d be in that wee corner of the Broomloan, giving it “COME ON THE WINTON! GET INTAE THESE GLORY-HUNTING, SECTARIAN BASTARDS!!!”

In fact we should get the WHOLE of the Broomloan - we’d totally sell it out, by the way. Oh aye - the Winton are coming to get youse, ya Weegie bampots … oh, aye - you’d BETTER run…