EURO 2008 DIARY, DAY 18: SPAIN REIGN - and they is FAAAAAR from plain! (Espana … 3 Россия … 0)

Survived a semi-final? How do you “SURVIVE ” a semi-final? You lose or you win, surely. Do you not “progress” to the final? Do you not “go through”, so to speak? You survive a relegation battle. You survive open-heart surgery. But how do you survive a semi final? … Only the Big British broadcasters could find a pejorative way of describing a team reaching a major final. If Germany are just surviving then England’s football team must be dead, dismembered, put through a meat grinder and scattered around the four corners of the earth, with the hit man himself assasinated by the people who hired him.

Same as last night, troops. Same as last night. I should be bigger than it - I should be better - but I’m actually physically and morally unable to ignore the editorial slant of the coverage of this tournament. The commentary is RUINING it for me and when a total anorak like me is considering matters other than the deluge of historic soccer stats coming at me this last three weeks then that’s fucking serious. An instinctive desire to have a full knowledge of the problem I’m complaining about only further compels me to listen out for, memorise - even TAPE - every piece of pro-English, Editorially-sanctioned, ratings-demanded INSULT to the ideal of objectivity in reporting which we have suffered this month.

Spain made their first major final in 24 years tonight and, in so doing, gave the world their best performance since Emilio Butragueño spearheaded the destruction of Denmark in the Mexico World Cup of 22 years ago. As a man whose watched a LOT of football in his time and - desperate validation time - has had a couple of books and a couple more parts of books published as well as having bits and bobs featured in respected and not-so-respected magazines and newspapers over the years, I would LIKE TO THINK I know a BIT about the game. To me, as such an anorak, I reckoned the best players on the Ernst Happel pitch the nicht were, in descending order, Iniesta, Marcos Senna, Carles Puyol and thereafter we’re looking at David Silva and Sergio Ramos ALONG WITH Cesc Fabregas.

Fernando Torres was a great runner and willing worker. He WORKED that Russia defence. But he also dived and bitched and generally didn’t get much change out of them. Yet, for the opening 69 minutes he was the only player on the pitch according to the ITV commentary team of Clyve Tyldesley and David Pleat. When Torres was subbed with more than 20 minutes to go, at 1-0 to Spain, we were informed by our pundits that this was a strange, puzzling decision by Spain manager Aragones. What the fuck would he know, right?! When Torres’ replacement scored the decisive goal of the game just four minutes later, the microphone attention was immediately transferred to Cesc Fabregas. Of Arsenal.

Fabrgas was only on the pitch because Spain’s top scorer, David Villa, injured himself after 34 minutes. Fabregas played well and his dinked ball for the second goal was lovely. But the simple square pass he played for the third Spanish goal was the least spectacular aspect of what was an ASTONISHINGLY BEAUTIFUL coup de grâce from a history-making Spansih side. It was, nevertheless, the only part of this goal which received any sustained praise form Pleat and Tyldesley. It was, in fact, overly praised, in near-orgasmic terms, to such a sickening extent that the editorial remit was once again stomach-churningly clear: Praise a pretty young Permiership player who the kids, the fitbaw-hating girls and the idiots will like. Michael Ballack is admired but never loved. Jens Lehman is a cunt. Xabi Alonso is too ginger and pastey and, like Lehman, is leaving England’s top league for - boo! hiss! - another country! But Fabregas and Torres are young pretty boys who do fancy image rights-winning stuff. They play the kind of touches even morons can appreciate.They are the acceptable face of The Premiership, of English football and therefore they are the ONLY THING ON THE PITCH … especially now Ronaldo’s country is OUT and his club is about to CHANGE.

Remember Ronaldo at Euro 2008? Remember “Ronaldo’s Portugal”? Seems like YEARS ago we were being told to adore him. Wait til his move to Real is rubber-stamped - we’ll be hating him again.

First comment of the night from ITV: Steve “Ryder” Cup, sat as uncomfortably on his studio couch as that spray-ballasted barnet sits on his cranium, says “So who do you fancy to win the second semi-final, Andy, after Germany SURVIVED the first one last night?”.

Survived a semi-final? How do you “SURVIVE ” a semi-final? You lose or you win, surely. Do you not progress to the final? Do you not “go through”, so to speak? You survive a relegation battle. You survive open-heart surgery. But how do you survive a semi final? This is Orwell’s predictions coming true. This is Big Brother, THE ORIGINAL. This is the minute-by-minute revisionism promised in 1984. Newspeak has nothing on this shit. ITV almost out-did the BBc’s xenophibic bile of last night by BANNING the use of the word “WIN” or “victory” in any sentence featuring the word “Germany”. Only the Big British broadcasters could find a pejorative way of describing a team reaching a major final.

If Germany are just surviving then England’s football team must be dead, dismembered, put through a meat grinder and scattered around the four corners of the earth, with the hit man himself assasinated by the people who hired him.

The parting shot of the night was equally offensive: “Andy, we’re hearing from the Spanish camp that David Villa will definitely miss Sunday’s final through injury”.

Townsend: Well ye have to say that’s great news for Cesc Fabregas”.

I could honestly cry, folks. I could cry I’m so disgusted. I’m so ashamed to be part of a country which peddles that kind of shite. This isn’t an over-reaction. This isn’t lazy Jimmy Hill-slagging. This isn’t reverse bigotry by one of those kilt-wearng fuckwits of a “Tartan Army” member. I’m not anti-English. I’m anti-STUPIDITY.This is time for us to get onto the BEEB and ITV websites and complain. Because fascism creeps into power - it doesn’t jump. It starts with shit like this and, by steady, subtle increments, we’re to be found in four years time banning the mention of any football team from anywhere other than England. Then it’s Guantanamo Bay … as long as they don’t have a team who could knock one under David James.

David Villa is Spain’s top scorer in this tournament. He is fuckig sensational. He is half the reason they are in this final and he was pictured on that Viennese pitch, his heart clearly broken by the knowledge he would not have the chance to bring home his nation’s GREATEST EVER soccer triumph. ITV said “fuck him - that gives an Arsenal player a chance. YES!”

I can’t live in a world without compassion. And nether can football. These cunts have to be stopped and I just thank the lord for When Saturday Comes - I hope their next editorial tears ITV and BBC a new one over their coverage of this tournament. These corporations are spreading ignorance and hatred. And I hate them for doing so. Yet I tacitly support them every time I switch on to see the games. I feel trapped in a world of cyclical dumbing-down.

It’s bad enough watching UEFA’s continual subjugation of women as the governing body’s TV crew - which farms out the pictures to accredited companies through it’s Media Group (yes, I read the Metro too! More power tae yer elbow, Aidan Radnege - yer yer faither’s son!) - spends more time focussing on any women in the crowd with prominent breasts, blonde hair and a pulse than they do on the games themselves. But having to listen to a soundtrack which is even more bigoted is fucking depressing in the extreme.

In the 78th minute there was a pass from Iniesta to Guiza up Spain’s left wing which was a thing of masterful beauty. A clipped, curved, forty-yard outside-of-the-boot ball of such precision Russia had to scramble it out for a corner lest they were ripped in twain again. It was hardly mentioned and barely replayed. The four or five passes in four or five seconds around Marco Senna which led up to the killer second goal were stunning - these were the skills which sucked Russia in and blew them wide open. But, again, UEFA only showed the replay from the point of the final pass and finish and the morons in our ears were only interested in the final pass because it was by an Arsenal player who, oh so quickly and desperately, had moved to the top of the “FOCUS ON HIM” agenda.

At 0-0, approaching half-time, Tyldesley actually tried to talk up the subtler qualities of the game, at a time when Lawrenson and Motson would have been celebrating the lack of goals as a sign that anything not involving England is automatically SHITE. This was clearly a game simmering to the boil quite nicely and Pleat and his Organ grinder kept us informed of that fact. I was ready to give them a 5/10 - especially after they’d told me Arshavin made his debut for Zenit St Petersburg at Valley Parade, Bradford. This was informative, reasonable, HELPFUL stuff. This was SPREADING THE FOOTBALL GOSPEL. But the Torres stuff got more and more hysterical and the humiliating manner in which they whored all their attention from him onto Fabregas once the Liverpool striker was hooked by his gaffer took Clive and Dave down to 0/10.

There’s a huge statue of a Soviet soldier in Vienna. I’ve stood beneath it. It’s fucking horrible and, despite the official reverence around it, it actually reminds the Austrians of the fact the Red Army raped their way through their capital city in the immediate aftermath of the Second World War. Officially they were “Liberating ” Austria from the Nazis but the Soviet army made life hell for Austrian women. This should have FUCK-ALL to do with the football of Russia, sixty years later. But I’m neverthelss glad for the Viennese that they only have to suffer Germany on Sunday - not Germany-Russia. These people KNOW what bigotry and xenophobia can do if it goes unchecked. The BBC and ITV should remember that too.

Me? I’m trying hard to remeber the game instead of the presentation. Spain played in what, with their big badge, often looked like an Australia strip tonight. But it was filled with very Spansh style and fervour. The first half was eaksy-peaksy but the Spanish found a new gear and Russia couldn’t cope with the fact Senna was cutting off the supply line to Arshavin and Pavluchenko. Puyol was ’round everything else like a big hirsute fly ’round shite.

When Spain did start scoring they never looked back and, by the end, we were witnessing something the world has never seen before: Spain in full flight enroute to a major final and perhaps a trophy. They won it on home soil in 1964 but Franco had a lot to do with that and they were less than welcoming to their Soviet opponents in fascist Spain 43 years ago. However, this time Spain have no favours, no home advantage and no OBVIOUSLY political agendas. Liek Russia before them and the Dutch before them and Turkey and Croatia in the other side of the draw, Spain are just fucking GREAT. So many teams have lit up this tournament and only two could, of course, get the final chance to fully realise that promise. Germany have been sensational because they’ve exceeded expectations again, Spain have been a revelation because they, for once, haven’t been a revelation. For once, Spain have been as good as they’re supposed to be. Plus there’s nothing like watching a sleeping giant finally wake up … except to see him take on a giant who never sleeps!

Eleven goals across the four quarter-finals and now eight between the two semis. What a tournament. Sunday will be classic. But maybe the BBC should remember Franco, Stalin, Hitler and co before they go steaming in there with their anti-German, pro-premiership SHITE. It is only FUELLED by a need to boost ratings and the war has much less to do with it than the total JEALOUSY of Germany’s football achievements, but what fuels it is far less worrying than what can result from this institutionalised ignorance.

Spain have shown football can triumph over fascism. For god’s sake, lets’ e-mail the Beeb and make sure they remember which side they’re on this Sunday.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/complaints/
(thanks to Jay for the link)

http://www.itv.com/contactus/

EURO 2008 Microphone League standings after Day 18:

Motson&Lawrenson: -10/40 (that’s “MINUS TEN out of forty”)